BIG NEWS!!!!!

We here at tasty booze have moved into new digs.

You can now find us at http://www.tastybooze.com

We only made the move yesterday so you may see changes over the next couple of weeks.

Follow us over to the new site for new tasty booze posts everyday.

Batman Sighting Puts Schools on Lockdown

Robin: Holy nightmare, Batman!

Batman: Looks like the Riddler is loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums.

Robin: We'd better batapult out of here and go catch him!! Ka-pow!


Check out these retards who actually "saw" Batman.

A Little Something for the Ladies

Well guys it might be a little late in the day for this post but if you fucked up and forgot a gift for your lady you just might be able to redeem yourself.

Sex Researcher Beverly Whipple, PH. D surveyed 5000 women and came up with a list of the top ten positions that are most likely to make your lady have an orgasm.

You know there are two types of female orgasm: the real and the fake. And I'll tell you right now, as a man, we don't know. We do not know, because to man sex is like a car accident and determining the female orgasm is like being asked 'What did you see after the car went out of control?'. 'I heard a lot of screeching sounds. I remember I was facing the wrong way at one point. And in the end my body was thrown clear.
--Jerry Seinfeld

Now I didn't say this would be easy. Chances are if you really did forgot you have probably fucked up enough that you aren't going to be getting any action tonight anyway. But as my good friend The Berg says "Persistence beats Resistance".

Top 10 Female Positions

Technorati: sex girls orgasm Seinfeld

10 Best Five O'Clock Shadows Ever

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Evangelical War on Science

I think this is a fairly disturbing video. I was so angry about it last night I had to wait and write this post this morning. These crazy ass Evangelicals are teaching hundreds of small children at a time that science is bad, the bible is literally a history book and that humans and dinosaurs co-existed.

Now I understand that they have to give these presentations to small children. Anyone over 14 who hasn't been indoctrinated by these people could tear their arguments apart.

I am not sure what is scary. All these children being indoctrinated with this kind of false information or the fact that their parents are ignorant enough to believe it as well.

These guys are teaching these children that Earth was created by God about 6000 years ago despite the mountains of scientific evidence showing the world is roughly 4 billion years old. For reference, 6000 years ago is about the time dogs evolved and roughly 1000 years after the Sumerians invented glue.

Technorati: Evangelical Science Right Wing

Ghost Ride the Whip!!!!

This video is just flat out awesome. While in pursuit of a bank robber this female office manages to ghost ride her whip and shoot the robber who was trying to gun her down.

I like her style.

Technorati: Cop Ghost Ride Funny Humor Entertainment

The latest warning signs from the Department of Homeland Security

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.








If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.

safenow.org

Technorati: Security Humor Funny Entertainment Comedy Warning Signs

On a Serious Note....Global Warming

The short answer to this is that I don't buy it. Do we humans have an effect on the environment and the overall climate? Sure. But I do think there is nearly enough evidence that we or our greenhouse gases are the sole cause. No, in fact I think it is very egocentric and pompous of us to think we have put the planet on a collison course with doom in just 200 years of industry.

After seeing a ridiculous commerical from StopGlobalWarming.org last night I decided to check out their website. The banner at the top of their site had the following piece of propaganda:

"All ten of the hottest years on record, globally, have occured in the last fifteen years."

So I said to myself "Self, I wonder how many years are on record?" After some quick Google work I found the Temperature Record entry on Wikipedia. It states:

"The most detailed information exists since 1850, when methodical thermometer-based records began."

So we have 157 years worth of hard data. We know that the Earth is roughly 4 billion years old. If you do the math that means we have hard data on 0.000003925% of the years Earth has been in existence. Experts agree that Earth has gone through 4 major Ice Ages. One can conclude then that there must have been 4 major thaws. There could have been thousands of years of increasingly warmer temperatures to melt all of that ice. I don't think 1o years in a sample size of 0.000003925% is anything to get panties bunched up about.

In fact some scientists are now saying they believe the Sun and Cosmic rays have more to do with climate change on Earth the we humans ever have.

Despite my stance on Global Warming I do believe in pollution controls. I don't think we need to be belching millions of tons of black smoke into the atmosphere for any reason. However I don't think getting people riled up over a made up dooms day climate scenario is the best way to reduce industrial pollution.

Technorati: Global Warming Environment Temperature Climate

Fresh Whole Rabbit - Amazon.com

I was trolling through Amazon.com's list of Valentine's Day: Bad Gift Ideas trying to find a last minute gift for my lady friend when I came across this gem of a product. Who doesn't want a skinned dead rabbit for only $29.50? This would make an outstanding gift for any holiday occasion.

Scroll down the product page and read the customer reviews. They are great and very informative.
Fresh Whole Rabbit

Technorati: Rabbit Amazon.com Valentines Day Comedy Humor Entertainment

Touching Lady Parts Mouse Pad

This mouse pad says one of two things about you if you use it.

1. I'm a pervert and proud of it.
2. This makes me feel better about the fact I have never done this in real life and won't be in the foreseeable future.

Technorati: Mouse Mouse Pad Funny Humor Entertainment Computers

How To Survive a Horror Movie!

This list has a lot of sound advice to help you survive if you find yourself in a horror movie like situation. My personel favorite:

"As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell."

This is just a flat out good life rule. There is really no reason to be doing anything that is going to open a portal to Hell. It really can't be good for anyone.

How To Survive a Horror Movie!

Technorati: Horror Movie Survival Funny Humor Comedy

All Hail the "DAMN IT!"

In honor of tonights two hour episode I thought I would put up a little montage of classic Bauer.

The clip starts with a brief Jay Leno interview and then goes into every "DAMN IT!" that Jack Bauer has yelled from seasons 1 - 4.

Technorati: TV 24 Jack Bauer

Two Full Hours of 24!?

I think I might have an erection.

Technorati: TV 24 Jack Bauer

I love LEGO

I loved building shit with LEGO's when I was a kid. Every Christmas I would ask for the biggest baddest set that LEGO had to offer. Most of the time Mom & Dad would come through and hook me up. I think they loved the fact I would spend Christmas afternoon frantically trying to get the set together and they could have piece and quiet.

Toward the end of my time with LEGO's the TECHNIC sets were the shit to have. I remember I got the rescue helicopter with working wenches and a joystick in the cockpit that controlled the rotor pitch...SWEET!!

Well the above Millenium Falcon now takes the cake as the baddest mofo on the block. It comes in with over 5000 pieces and a price tag of $499 making it officially the biggest LEGO set ever sold.

LEGO Store-Millenium Falcon

Technorati: LEGO Star Wars Millenium Falcon

Now this is a Blizzard!

Here in the great Emerald City things shut down any time there is more than an inch of snow on the ground. I think we almost had two inches this winter and it was goddamn pandemonium. People at my office called in with the "snowed in" excuse for two days.

These poor bastards in upstate New York are closing in on the 100 inch mark after only 4 or 5 days of snow. Click the link to see some other crazy pictures of this blizzard. Good thing we have that global warming kicking in otherwise the whole city might have been buried.

Now this is a Blizzard!

Amazing Goal by Ronaldinho

The goal is amazing but listen closely to the announcer he really makes this clip.

What Your Drink Says About You

By now, it’s no secret that one of my favorite hobbies, besides collecting Beanie Babies and hunting mimes for sport, is binge drinking. I admit, this is perhaps not the wisest way to drink. Mixing up my beverages so defiantly might make a bold statement about fuck and you, but it’s also a recipe for a killer hangover.

The point is, as a generalist in the liquor arena and a slightly-paranoid social critic, I’ve noticed that the drink you choose, as an accessory, says a lot about you. Sure, there are easy stereotypes about beer-swilling frat boys and martini-sipping debutantes, but the scope of social commentary is as wide as the selection at the nearest bar. So take a trip with me, won’t you, and discover what the drink in your hand says about joy in your heart.

Read the article.

Ahhhh.....memories

I did something last night that I haven't done in a long time. I walked into a store that was selling beer and I walked out with a case of Busch Light. I am no stranger to the Busch Light. There were about 4 years of my life when I drank more BL than water or any other liquid for that matter. Granted not a lot of my memories have me leaving the store with only one case, it was usually at least two if not four.

If you have followed this blog off and on for the last two years or read through our archives you have seen many funny quotes from our friend KU. All most all of those gems are a direct result of the BL consumption.

Don't get me wrong even with all the memories and good times a can of BL is no boggs. But there is a time a place where it is nice to visit an old friend. I think I am going to have to start showing up to that place about once a month.

6. mullhawk: punk as fuck.

Mulletude: 5
Aggressiveness: 3
Hobbies: punk as fuck.
Sightings: punk as fuck.
Favorite Band: Offspring (i know, i know, they're not really punk, dumbass).

Mullets Galore

You don't want to miss the 11 o'clock news....trust me.

The Dan Band - Total Eclipse of the Heart

In case have been living with your head in the sand and don't know who The Dan Band is I thought I would throw this up.

These guys are coming to Seattle on 2/24 and you can bet your ass I am going to be in the front row.

A Real Arab Asshole

Man accused in 'sex contract' case enters no-contest plea

Must just be awesome parent day here at tasty booze. I heard about this story while I was listening to the Adam Corolla show driving into work this morning.

The case arose after the woman, afraid of losing her boyfriend while recuperating from surgery, allegedly arranged to have her daughter be his sex partner for two months. Evidence includes the girl's testimony of a contract signed by all three that specifies sexual services and the "pay" the girl would get.

What is going on? What the fuck was this lady thinking?

If this is the kind of sound decision making that Mom usually makes I am concerned about what else this 15 year old has been a victim of.

Man accused in 'sex contract' case enters no-contest plea

By the Power of Grayskull! I have the power!

I wish I knew someone in India who could send me a bottle of this stuff. I would be screaming "By the power of Grayskull" all night.

Douche Bag of the Week

Here's a submission for Douche Bag of the Week. To me it's a hands-down winner, but there have been some other douches this week that might get nominations. We'll have to wait and see. An excerpt from the story below:

The father of a young girl who died of exposure had knocked her unconscious because he was angry she wouldn't go to bed, then took her outside in freezing temperatures and left her there, police said before the man's arraignment Thursday.

The Other Best of 'The Office'

One of the best sub-plots of The Office is the cell phone prank Jim plays on Andy. It unfolds like so:

Part 1


Part Deux


Finale

Lithuanian Street sign

I came across the picture of this street sign during my internet travels today.

What the fuck is going on in Lithuania?

Does this mean the greatest flasher of all time lives in the area? The guy is so sneaky, crafty and uncatchable that they have to just post a sign to warn people?

Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker

I hate my morning alarm just as much as the next guy. Well maybe not as much as Mike Honcho. Either way why the fuck would you want to do this to yourself?

"The Sonic Bomb Clock has an adjustable volume alarm with a maximum loudness of 113 decibels (just for reference, a jackhammer is about 100 decibels!)"

I would rather just have someone punch me in the face instead of waking up to something that is louder than a jack hammer.

ThinkGeek - Super Loud Ninja Alarm

'Beer goggles' effect explained

Those limey bastards across the pond have done it again. Scientists have figured out a formula based on several variables that will allow you to calculate the level of beer goggles you have.

"For example, someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect."

According to the article a score of 100 or more means that super model you are drooling over is actually "someone considered not attactive". Now they just need to simplify this a bit so that I don't have to bust out a T82 in the bar to figure it out.

'Beer goggles' effect explained

The Best of 'The Office'

Haggard Pronounced ‘Completely Heterosexual’....

in only three weeks flat. That has to be some kind of goddamn record.

DENVER (AP) -- One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ''completely heterosexual.

Does anyone else see something wrong with the above paragraph? Maybe the word convinced? Can someone give me some guidlines on how you convince someone they are heterosexual? I mean is it like a 12 step program?

However my favorite part of the article was this quote.

''He is completely heterosexual,'' Ralph said. ''That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing.''

Apparently when you are a crazy ass Evangelical the definition of 'acting out' is "doing crystal meth and hiring male prostitutes."

Haggard Pronounced ‘Completely Heterosexual’

Michael Vick - Really?

SNL - Vick, Really?! - video powered by Metacafe

What the fuck is going on at NASA.

A 43 year old robotics specialist who has been to outer fucking space freaked out over a dude the other day and hatched a quick scheme to take out the competition. Upon hearing that a fellow female co-worker was flying from Houston to Orlando to meet a male astronaut Nowak went over the edge. She drove 900 miles in diapers and managed to get on the same airport shuttle as the female co-worker. The co-worker realized someone was following her, in general astronauts aren’t dumb, and managed to lock herself in her car before Nowak could strike.

When the police got there Nowak had the following items in her possession:

Steel Hammer
BB Gun
Pepper Spray
4 inch folding knife
Rubber tubing
Plastic garbage bags

I don’t know what Nowak planned to do if she managed to kidnap this lady but I tell you what it wouldn’t have been pretty.

When Nowak was asked to describe the relationship she had with the male astronaut she was going to kill for she said “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship.”

What does that mean? My overall point: Women are crazy.

Astronaut charged with attempted murder

60% of the time it works every time.

Naked Man Imprisoned For Beating Car With Pigeon

SUFFOLK, Va. -- A man who took off his clothes and beat a dead pigeon on a car outside a home in Suffolk, Va., has been sentenced to a year in prison for animal cruelty.

Juan Pablo Lopez, of Virginia Beach, who was 30 years old at the time of the incident last July, was sentenced Monday by a Suffolk judge.

Lopez pleaded guilty last year to burglary, obstruction of justice and animal cruelty. He received no time for the burglary and obstruction charges.

Police said Lopez broke into a home, destroyed birdcages and freed some chickens and pigeons and killed several of them.

When the homeowners pulled into their driveway, police said they saw Lopez come running out naked. They said he bashed a dead bird against the homeowners' car and ran away.

Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

I really only posted this picture so that I could use the line from Wedding Crashers above.

But if you interested why these two fine young ladies are making lattes in their bras and panties click the link below.

Some coffee stands get steamier

Lightning never strikes the same place 8 times?

Struck by lightning record seven times

US Park Ranger Roy C. Sullivan from Virginia holds the record for the person most times struck by lightning - and living to tell the tale. Between 1942 and 1983, Roy has the dubious distinction of being struck by lightning seven times. He was known as the Human Lightning Rod.

The first lightning strike in 1942 happened as he was working up in a lookout tower and the lighting bolt shot through his leg and knocked his big toenail off.

In 1969 while he was driving along a mountain road a second strike burned off his eyebrows and knocked him unconscious. Another strike just a year later, while he was walking across his yard to get the mail, left his shoulder seared.

He was standing in the office at the ranger station in 1972 when lightning set his hair on fire and Roy had to throw a bucket of water over his head to cool off. A year later, after his hair had grown back, a lightning bolt ripped through his hat and hit him on the head, setting his hair on fire again. It threw him out of his truck, knocked his left shoe off and seared his legs. A sixth strike hit him in 1976 while he was checking on a campsite, injuring his ankle.

The last lightning bolt to hit Roy in 1977 happened while he was fishing. It sent him to hospital with chest and stomach burns. Roy Sullivan was never killed by lighting - he committed suicide while in his 70's in 1983 reportedly distraught over the loss of a woman.

Original Article - Thatsweird.net

Ad for Lube

This billboard was put up by Grey Worldwide for a new lubricating cream they have developed. What are they trying to get across here?

"Use our lube and your lady friend's coochie will feel like a two lane highway!"

Maybe I am crazy but that is the exact opposite of the feel I am looking for.

Post your own ideas for an ad slogan in the comment section. I will re-post the picture tomorrow with the best slogan submitted.

In honor of Robert Goulet's Super Bowl commerical I thought I would post this little diddy.

If this doesn't pucker your asshole I don't know what does

I couldn't agree more little buddy.

Teen girl charged with posting nude photos on Internet

I am glad someone figured out what this girl was doing and stopped her because as my Dad used to say she "was cruisin' for a bruisin'." Or the Pittsburgh police just busted up Dateline's greatest "to catch a Predator" sting ever.

However can you really be charged with sexually abusing yourself?

If so, then every 13 and 14 year old boy in the country should be in juvee for jerking off.

Teen girl charged with posting nude photos on Internet

More Adventures from Firefly

I've had an uneasy relationship with Japanese bathrooms since my arrival 5 years ago. My first experience came in the form of a "squat toilet". I was at an Internet Cafe in Hibiya, and I ventured inside this old style Japanese building to try to find a bathroom. I opened the door, and found this porcelain nightmare staring back at me.

I consider myself pretty adventurous, but I draw the line right there. I checked the next stall, to find a regular western toilet. Breathing a sigh of relief, I sat down. It didn't take long for my attention to wander down to the control panel near my right arm. It looked like an armchair computer to some kind of spaceship. Being a naturally curious person, I felt an immediate urge to press some buttons. I reserved a small amount of judgment and began to study the odd symbols. All of the symbols were complicated kanji, and I didn't understand any of them. I forced my attention away from the control panel. However since I was in Japan, there wasn't even any graffiti to distract my attention, and within 10 seconds, I was once again studying the series of buttons, knobs and dials. My teeth gritted. My lips pursed. My eyes focused on the array of buttons."Whats the worst that could happen," I reasoned. After 10 seconds of brief internal monologue, to my detriment, my adventurous side won. I extended an uncertain finger, and pressed the biggest button. A pause. Nothing happened. I deflated in disappointment. I began examining the other buttons when I heard :*click*. *vmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*. I cocked my head and narrowed my eyes as I tried to make sense of the noises. Suddenly, a boiling hot jet stream of highly pressurised water shot straight up my ass. I screamed. My arms and legs flailed around as I tried to escape my unfortunate predicament. I immediately pressed another button, which turned the water from burning hot, to icy cold. I considered jumping up and running away, but I was concerned that the ass water would soak me during my daring escape. I stayed seated, screaming and flailing, and pressed another button. The toilet flushed. I pressed another button, and the toilet lid slapped me in the back as it tried to close. My look of disbelief at my bad luck combined with my surprised yelling must have been quite a picture. I finally pressed the 'correct' button, and the stream stopped, and retracted. I sat there feeling violated, and also irritated at the previous occupant who felt it necessary to max-out all of the settings.

Missing Scenes from Kickboxer

Easily one of the best Van Damme movies ever (next to Bloodsport). Jean-Claude takes his revenge on the masterful Thai kickboxer Tong Po after Tong Po cripples his brother. Well, I found a deleted scene.

Possibly the Biggest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fan Ever

Don't get me wrong I liked a little TMNT when I was young but this girl takes it to a whole new level.

The best part of the video is the older brother when he is calling his sister out on camera.

Nice shirt chief.

How Earth and the Universe were really created...

and what it all has to do with Pirates. (graph included)

Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

List of Gear for A-stan

The other day I posted a list of Jack Bauer's essential gear he uses for kicking ass over the course of the day.

I found this list today that has the 63 things you need bring if you are being deployed to Afghanistan to kick some Taliban ass.

List of gear for A-stan

Ask a Ninja.com

"Is it possible for a ninja to be so secret, that they don't even know they are really a ninja?" -Whitney from Waterburough

The short answer is yes. Click through to hear the explanation from a ninja.

Ask A Ninja Question 33 "Hidey's Disease"

Here is a link to the main page where you can find all the Ask A Ninja episodes.

You Got Questions, Ninja Got Answers.

The Most Honorable Cop in the Union

Honor is a big thing to us tasty boozers. This guy deserves a shout-out, and possible the Rock of the Week award.

KEWASKUM, Wis. -- It's not usually news when a police officer writes a ticket -- unless it's the chief and he gives the ticket to himself.

Village of Kewaskum Police Chief Richard Knoebel said he was driving to work when he became distracted by a truck stopping on one side of the street. He said he didn't see a school bus with its lights flashing and a stop sign out on the other side of the four-lane road.

The chief said he didn't know he had passed the stopped bus until it was too late. When he realized what he had done, he issued himself a $235 ticket.

"When we get someone for not stopping for a flashing school bus we give them a citation. So I shouldn't be any different so I did," Knoebel said.

Not only did the chief have to pay a hefty fine, he gave himself a four-point penalty on his license.

Bodybuilders

In an effort to enhance my performance for the 2007 drinking season, I've recently begun an effort to shed some pounds gained during the '06 season. So today I "ninja'ed" "calories in an AMPM cheeseburger", to see the potential effect that three of the world's tastiest morsels would have on my well tuned high performance drinking physique. In so doing, I stumbled across a subclass of humanity that could bench press the collective rest of us: bodybuilders. Believe it or not, these guys are fucking hilarious. Here's a taste of some of the quotes I found on http://www.iamabodybuilder.com/, written by the literary comical genius, and yes, bodybuilder, Myron Mielke.

"Don't be just another guy with a pot belly and stick legs whose only exercise is mowing the lawn on Saturday mornings. Be the guy with ripped abs and legs of steel mowing the lawn on Saturdays!"

"If someone complains that they can't stop eating cheeseburgers or chocolate, [set an example and] go another day on low carbs and slam down another can of tuna just for kicks. You're a bodybuilder, my friend. Cheeseburgers and chocolate are for normal people."

"If you're still reading this, the chances are you got up this morning and either did cardio first thing on an empty stomach or you headed for the gym to pump iron. And you've probably eaten at least five to six times and are about ready for another protein shake."

"Do another set of squats this week for me and I'll choke down another can of tuna, a protein drink, and a dry baked potato for you."

On his first visit to Gold's Gym in Venice, California, which he refers to as "Bodybuilding Mecca"

"Here's my review of the facility, it was cool."

"The only complaint I really had was that the dumbbells are to be in pairs. I had to hunt for two 65 pounders. I couldn't find them but I did find a pair of 80 pounders instead. They felt like 65 pounds at Gold's."

I'm just gonna throw this one out there, if you don't like it you can throw it right back my way, but I would bet dollars to doughnuts--check that--protein shakes that 9 out of 10 bodybuilders drive either (a) post 1993 Ford mustangs or (b) huge pickup trucks.

Man to Swim the Length of the Amazon - or 'Die Trying'

Known variously as "Big Man of the River" and "Fish Man," Martin Strel is attempting to swim the full length of the world's longest river - all 3,375 miles (5,400km) of it - or, in his own words, "die trying".

As a marathon swimmer, he is no stranger to staggering feats of endurance. After conquering the English Channel early in his career he has gone on to swim the length of the Danube, Mississippi and Yangtze rivers. None of them, however, compares with the terrors waiting for him in the Amazon: anacondas, crocodiles, poisonous freshwater stingrays and even the occasional bull shark that works its way upstream.

But Strel, 52, remains philosophical: "I'm concerned, of course, but if I think of that stuff I would never jump into the water," he told reporters. He even had a ready reply when asked about every man's greatest fear in the equatorial waters - the toothpick fish that can enter the body by swimming up the penis, and can only be removed by surgery. "I never urinate straight into the water, I always urinate straight into my wetsuit," he said.

To Taser a Predator

We've all seen "To Catch a Predator" and it's usually the same thing everytime. Some creep has a rendezvous with a 13 year-old girl while her parents are out, looking to get a little underage action. Enter Chris Hansen, smooth-talking incriminator. At this point the bad guy either a) denies having any bad intentions, b) admits to having a problem, or c) breaks down and cries because his wife/girlfriend just found out on national TV that he likes his women (girls) really, really young. Same old stuff everytime.

I like this twist. Once this guy knows he's been made, he does what every guy who's ever been on that show should have done. Run like hell!! Unfortunately for this Joe, he's about to feel the real sting. 50,000 volts of electricity running through is perverted body.

SPD Officer Fails the Driving Portion of the Driver's License Test

Seattle police Officer Sean O'Donnell walks past where a Seattle police cruiser came to rest halfway inside a sub shop after an accident early Wednesday morning. Firefighters had to cut open the car to get the officer out.

According to a Seattle Police Department spokesperson, "Among the factors being looked into are ... the medical conditions of ... the cyclist."

If anyone learns of a medical condition with symptoms that include the potentiality of a police officer running your ass over and slamming you into a Sub Shop while you're riding your bicycle, please let me know...I'd like to be vaccinated if possible.

Jack Attack on a Christmas Tree

At 2am bar staff refused to serve any more alcohol. Undaunted, Kiefer persuaded management to let them loose in the lobby.

He ordered yet more booze on room service, then staggered around the entrance hall, entertaining pals with a bizarre, flailing breakdancing routine.

It was then that a huge Christmas tree caught his eye.

"I hate that fucking Christmas tree," he declared. "The tree HAS to come down"(in all fairness, the angel ornament sitting atop it called him a pussy first).

Bow down before Kiefer Sutherland, tree-punishing pirate.

The Watson Gap Jump

Napoleon Dynamite: What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro: It's a sledgehammer.
Napoleon Dynamite: Dang! You got shocks, pegs... lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps?
Napoleon Dynamite: [Cut to Pedro jumping] You got like three feet of air that time.

The Watson Gap Jump