Here is a great resource for when you get drunk during an intense trivia game and can't quite remember how a particular musician died. The musicians are sorted in several helpful categories such as Inhalation of Vomit, Russian Roulette, and Poor Maintenance.
Dead Musician Directory
Friday, May 13, 2005
For all the trivia lovers
Someone explain the logic process here
So these guys hang our flag upside down and burn them on a regular basis...fine. There is one report of a Koran in a toilet and all hell breaks loose? There is rioting in Afghanistan and they are killing each other over of it? Can someone explain that to me? Then the Saudi's come out and say that they are pissed so Condoleezza says "there will be prompt action" if the charges are proved true. When did we become the Saudi's bitch? Did I miss that memo? I mean I know we need their oil but this is ridiculous.
Nine killed as Afghans rage at US
How come I wasn't in on this joke?!
Why didn't the S.O.B ever tell us he was into synthesizers. I would have loved to pretend I was from Sweden and fuck with the synthesizer nerds on the internet. Nice graphics work by the way I had no idea you had that much skill. I can definitely remember seeing you wear that sweater out to the bars before.
Elhardt is a funny guy
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg
This is about a month and half over due but if somehow you didn't know Mitch Hedberg passed away. This guy was fucking hilarious and was just about to get his mainstream big break. Below are two links to sites that have great Hedberg quotes.
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."
"Y'know I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread. So do
More Mitch Hedberg Quotes
As always the old people want to ruin the fun
I not really that worried about the boys at Cal because I spent four years in the Greek system at a “dry” university and I drank myself retarded. However I do think this is a ridiculous response to a couple of problems. I think these things happen because I can’t imagine any one in the Greek system going into the exciting world of campus administration. I think the guys that spent four years in the dorms are taking their revenge.
God, some religious people have to be PISSED.
I bet some of those hardcore Christians had a brain aneurism when they read this. What about all those douche bag groups that are convinced they can succeed where Elaine failed in convincing a man to switch back to the home team.
Is You Is, or Is You Ain't?
The sexual area of a gay man's brain works a lot like that of a woman when exposed to a particular stimulus, researchers say. In an experiment, men and heterosexual women sniffed a chemical from the male hormone testosterone. The homosexual men's brains responded differently from those of heterosexual males, and in a similar way to the women's brains. Confronted by a chemical from testosterone, the male hormone, portions of the brains active in sexual activity were activated in straight women and in gay men, but not in straight men, the researchers found. "It is one more piece of evidence ... that is showing that sexual orientation is not all learned," said Sandra Witelson, a Canadian expert on brain anatomy and sexual orientation.
-- Associated Press
Bringing this thing back
So it has been about two months since any of us have updated this thing. I think at some point we actually had some people who didn’t know us reading. Well we fucked that up.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Whole bunch of crap
This is from Bill Simmons latest mailbag. This is just a great burn.
Q: Scoop Jackson says that "Cornbread, Earl and Me" and "The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars" are the greatest sports movies of all time. Where do you rank them?
– Brian Artis, Newport News, Va.
SG: That's like asking me, "Scoop Jackson thinks the world is flat, where do you stand?"
So you think you are your teams biggest fan!?
A friend of mine who has been mentioned here before, you probably know him as KU recently told us this little story. KU was such a big Coug fan back in 8th grade that he lied to his parents about being cut from the basketball team so that he could attend the Apple Cup. Most people wouldn't make that kind of sacrifice for their favorite team in their entire life time...let alone in 8th grade. My hat is off to KU...my hat is off.
A Memorable Quote from Last Weekend
"I usually get five good drinks out of a bottle."
-The Berg
To clarify by bottle he is referring to a fifth of Canadian Mist.
Here in the great northwest the big news this March Madness is that the goddamn Washington Huskies got a #1 seed to the Big Dance. The only thing more ridiculous than that is the fact that two Huskies in the pool I am in have picked the Huskies to win the whole thing. I am sure there will be more Huskies that join the pool and make this same pick. This could be the biggest case of betting with your heart that I have ever seen. But good luck to the guys in the pool...not the Huskies.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
From Figure Skater to MIT Physicist - Either Way Still Genius
KU, the same guy who had the quote, "I have great balance, I should be an athlete or a figure skater" blew the shit out of all of our feeble minds with his mathematical proof that is sure to explain the age old question, "what is the meaning of life?" The answer - a surpisingly simple one at that - came to KU moments after he threw out his last $100 chip at the Skagit Casino, putting him at a $978 disadvantage against the local indians for the night. Mind you he was in a wedding that day and was nearly blacked out, still dressed in the rented tux, shiny ass shoes and all.
KU - "Life is pretty much fuc (hiccup) fucking comes down to 2 equations: G= Greed and A, no wait, yeah, A=PW ...... Ambition = Personal Wealth. It's just that simple, G=Greed=Gutter, which is where I am, and A=PW."
Now as you can imagine this therom was cause for reflection....could KU have just figured it all out. I mean, sure, now he is screaming fuck, fuck, fuck, how the fuck could I spend a thousand dollars, and running at a 4.6 40 down the hallway and into the wall, trying to break it or himself, or do something to aleviate the pain that comes hand-in-hand with being obsesive compulsive. But could KU have actually breached the walls of the well-guarded secret? Fuck no, A=PW, that is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. Let's all just give KU the benifit of the doubt though, he probably doesn't remember saying that, after all, he did say that he was so pissed that he wanted to either kill himself or "do a Ted DiBiase" (the million dollar man) to the headboard of his hotel bed. Luckily for us, he DiBiased the hotel bed. Apparently KU didn't learn his lesson after the bachelor party for this wedding where he had to buy a broken closet door at the hotel for $300...........canadian! yeah, no shit, the hotel room itself was only $250 US.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Congratulations to Chris & Jamie
This past weekend most of us here at always cold along with most of our friends made a 90 minute drive north to see our good friend Chris get married. The reception was a great time. I have never seen any groom remove a garter belt like Chris and as usual most of us never made it more than 20 feet from the free booze table. I had the pleasure of having a fat girl knock into a friend's girlfriend causing her to spill red wine all over her dress and my entire left arm. The best part is that said fat girl didn't even acknowledge what she did or apologize. Once we had polished off all the free booze we moved the party local Indian casino a few miles down the road. Not only did one of us manage to drop almost a g unit at the casino they must have had Mike and Danny from NBC's Las Vegas manning the surveillence cameras. They managed to prevent some of the craftier members of the crew from sneaking anheusers from the trunk of the car into the hotel. First team Vegas called a hallway phone next to team anheuser as they were trying to get beer to the room to let them know they were busted. Then they called the front desk while team anheuser B was standing there to tell them that they needed to go outside and tell team anheuser A to quit putting beers in their socks. All in all it was a great little Saturday.
Wal-Mart pulling more wool over everyone's eyes
For the those of you who read this blog on a regular basis you know that none of us are fans of Wal-Mart. Just thought I would post a link to this article that further proves they are destroying America but like to give speeches to pretend they are not.
The Wal-Mart Manifesto
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Could this day get any better?
I was informed today that the company I have been temping for since January will be making me a permanent employee come this March 1st. To that I say FUCK YEAH.
To go ahead and spread iceing on that cake I found out today that a man whose blog I read everyday actually posted a comment on my blog. I am not going to repost his comment but you can find it under the post titled "The best feel good story I have read in a long time". Click the February link to the right to find it.
Angry John Sellers
It involves a hot chick in a thong. Just watch it.
Unmodel Behavior
What would you do in the same situation? I know my friends would pour drinks down my gullet at the bar.
Roger Swanson: You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?
Roger Dodger
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Insight & Advice from Donnie Darko
Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?
Donnie: Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.
Donnie Darko
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Some woman should have been impressed with how much I drank this weekend
R.I.P: Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)
Here is a link to The Good Doctor's last article on Page 2. I really hope we can get this Shotgun Golf thing going. I have got the clubs now I just need to find someone with the other half of the required equipment.
Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray
A couple of great insights by Chris Busch from his application to the Sports Guy Intern Contest.
3. In "Napoleon Dynamite", when Napoleon's bizarre girl classmate comes to his door selling homemade keychains, and she tells him that she is doing it to raise money for college, and Napoleon's brother is sitting on the couch and mutters under his breath "Your mom goes to college" ... I have no idea where I was going with this. But for the record, this was the best Your Mom joke since the millenium turned.
2. One of my dreams in life is to appear on "Fear Factor". All I want is to get through the day two gross out stunt, and have Joe ask me how it was, so I can reply like so: "That was probably one of the ten grossest things I have ever done. Definitely top 20." For my money, nothing beats watching a girl choke down four pig rectums (recti?), and then tell Joe "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done!" Really? The most disgusting? In your whole 19 years on this Earth?
I really can't believe this shit. Some Star Wars geek is really going to cream his jeans when he pays the $1800 for this thing. You can laugh but you are going to shit your pants when you see this thing on a golf course.
STAR WARS LANDSPEEDER
PooP
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Some Random Things I Have Come Across the Last Few Days
SI Swimsuit Issue
Remember when this mattered? Of course, remember when it was your only outlet for hottie soft-soft-core skin? Between the lad mags, cable TV and the Internet, it's just not that big of a deal anymore. Frankly, I've seen better on a pop-up ad in the last hour.
--Dan Shanoff Page 2 on espn.com
I believe that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Then you should find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
--Ron White
All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.
--Brian Flanagan
I have such good balance...I should be an ice skater.
--Underwood
Don't you wish there were odds on this Michael Jackson trial, just so we could wager on things like "6-to-1 that one of the Culkins will be a mystery witness for the prosecution"?
--Bill Simmons
The section below is from an article on Slate titled "Supplemental Insecurity: The revelations buried in Bush's latest supplemental budget request." written by Fred Kaplan
It's there in the section dealing with the $5.7 billion requested for the "Iraq Security Force Fund," which notes that the interim Iraqigovernment, with assistance from coalition nations, has already created a security force of 90 battalions, but then adds:
All but one of these 90 battalions, however, are lightly equipped and armed, and have very limited mobility and sustainment capabilities.
In other words, 89 of Iraq's 90 battalions essentially cannot fight. This section of the document goes on:
These limitations, coupled with a more resilient insurgency than anticipated have led the Prime Minister of Iraq to request forces that can participate in the "hard end" of the counterinsurgency, and to do so quickly.
Can someone just explain to me what the hell we have been doing for the last year and a half? I thought training these guys to fight for themselves was the top priority. This just goes to show we are never going to get out of Iraq.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
I have heard of soccer hooligans....
but this is just out of control. I like to do a little gambling and I have made my fair share of stupid bets but this is insanity. Not to mention the guy just went and did it....then walked 200 yards. Sure he is was headed to a bar but thatdoesn't really change anything.
Well, at Least He Won't Be Fathering More Fans...
Sunday, February 06, 2005
May we all go this way...
This is just another one of those feel good stories. The sad thing is I can actually see this sort of thing happening to one of our good friends. Someone may need to check Nelson's apartment for funnels...
Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema
A Quote From My Mom
"Well your Dad was 25 when I met him and he was 27 when we got married. So I still have hope for you." -Jill
That really fucks with your Super Bowl Sunday.
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