Man accused in 'sex contract' case enters no-contest plea

Must just be awesome parent day here at tasty booze. I heard about this story while I was listening to the Adam Corolla show driving into work this morning.

The case arose after the woman, afraid of losing her boyfriend while recuperating from surgery, allegedly arranged to have her daughter be his sex partner for two months. Evidence includes the girl's testimony of a contract signed by all three that specifies sexual services and the "pay" the girl would get.

What is going on? What the fuck was this lady thinking?

If this is the kind of sound decision making that Mom usually makes I am concerned about what else this 15 year old has been a victim of.

Man accused in 'sex contract' case enters no-contest plea

By the Power of Grayskull! I have the power!

I wish I knew someone in India who could send me a bottle of this stuff. I would be screaming "By the power of Grayskull" all night.

Douche Bag of the Week

Here's a submission for Douche Bag of the Week. To me it's a hands-down winner, but there have been some other douches this week that might get nominations. We'll have to wait and see. An excerpt from the story below:

The father of a young girl who died of exposure had knocked her unconscious because he was angry she wouldn't go to bed, then took her outside in freezing temperatures and left her there, police said before the man's arraignment Thursday.

The Other Best of 'The Office'

One of the best sub-plots of The Office is the cell phone prank Jim plays on Andy. It unfolds like so:

Part 1


Part Deux


Finale

Lithuanian Street sign

I came across the picture of this street sign during my internet travels today.

What the fuck is going on in Lithuania?

Does this mean the greatest flasher of all time lives in the area? The guy is so sneaky, crafty and uncatchable that they have to just post a sign to warn people?

Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker

I hate my morning alarm just as much as the next guy. Well maybe not as much as Mike Honcho. Either way why the fuck would you want to do this to yourself?

"The Sonic Bomb Clock has an adjustable volume alarm with a maximum loudness of 113 decibels (just for reference, a jackhammer is about 100 decibels!)"

I would rather just have someone punch me in the face instead of waking up to something that is louder than a jack hammer.

ThinkGeek - Super Loud Ninja Alarm

'Beer goggles' effect explained

Those limey bastards across the pond have done it again. Scientists have figured out a formula based on several variables that will allow you to calculate the level of beer goggles you have.

"For example, someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect."

According to the article a score of 100 or more means that super model you are drooling over is actually "someone considered not attactive". Now they just need to simplify this a bit so that I don't have to bust out a T82 in the bar to figure it out.

'Beer goggles' effect explained

The Best of 'The Office'

Haggard Pronounced ‘Completely Heterosexual’....

in only three weeks flat. That has to be some kind of goddamn record.

DENVER (AP) -- One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ''completely heterosexual.

Does anyone else see something wrong with the above paragraph? Maybe the word convinced? Can someone give me some guidlines on how you convince someone they are heterosexual? I mean is it like a 12 step program?

However my favorite part of the article was this quote.

''He is completely heterosexual,'' Ralph said. ''That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing.''

Apparently when you are a crazy ass Evangelical the definition of 'acting out' is "doing crystal meth and hiring male prostitutes."

Haggard Pronounced ‘Completely Heterosexual’

Michael Vick - Really?

SNL - Vick, Really?! - video powered by Metacafe

What the fuck is going on at NASA.

A 43 year old robotics specialist who has been to outer fucking space freaked out over a dude the other day and hatched a quick scheme to take out the competition. Upon hearing that a fellow female co-worker was flying from Houston to Orlando to meet a male astronaut Nowak went over the edge. She drove 900 miles in diapers and managed to get on the same airport shuttle as the female co-worker. The co-worker realized someone was following her, in general astronauts aren’t dumb, and managed to lock herself in her car before Nowak could strike.

When the police got there Nowak had the following items in her possession:

Steel Hammer
BB Gun
Pepper Spray
4 inch folding knife
Rubber tubing
Plastic garbage bags

I don’t know what Nowak planned to do if she managed to kidnap this lady but I tell you what it wouldn’t have been pretty.

When Nowak was asked to describe the relationship she had with the male astronaut she was going to kill for she said “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship.”

What does that mean? My overall point: Women are crazy.

Astronaut charged with attempted murder

60% of the time it works every time.

Naked Man Imprisoned For Beating Car With Pigeon

SUFFOLK, Va. -- A man who took off his clothes and beat a dead pigeon on a car outside a home in Suffolk, Va., has been sentenced to a year in prison for animal cruelty.

Juan Pablo Lopez, of Virginia Beach, who was 30 years old at the time of the incident last July, was sentenced Monday by a Suffolk judge.

Lopez pleaded guilty last year to burglary, obstruction of justice and animal cruelty. He received no time for the burglary and obstruction charges.

Police said Lopez broke into a home, destroyed birdcages and freed some chickens and pigeons and killed several of them.

When the homeowners pulled into their driveway, police said they saw Lopez come running out naked. They said he bashed a dead bird against the homeowners' car and ran away.

Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

I really only posted this picture so that I could use the line from Wedding Crashers above.

But if you interested why these two fine young ladies are making lattes in their bras and panties click the link below.

Some coffee stands get steamier

Lightning never strikes the same place 8 times?

Struck by lightning record seven times

US Park Ranger Roy C. Sullivan from Virginia holds the record for the person most times struck by lightning - and living to tell the tale. Between 1942 and 1983, Roy has the dubious distinction of being struck by lightning seven times. He was known as the Human Lightning Rod.

The first lightning strike in 1942 happened as he was working up in a lookout tower and the lighting bolt shot through his leg and knocked his big toenail off.

In 1969 while he was driving along a mountain road a second strike burned off his eyebrows and knocked him unconscious. Another strike just a year later, while he was walking across his yard to get the mail, left his shoulder seared.

He was standing in the office at the ranger station in 1972 when lightning set his hair on fire and Roy had to throw a bucket of water over his head to cool off. A year later, after his hair had grown back, a lightning bolt ripped through his hat and hit him on the head, setting his hair on fire again. It threw him out of his truck, knocked his left shoe off and seared his legs. A sixth strike hit him in 1976 while he was checking on a campsite, injuring his ankle.

The last lightning bolt to hit Roy in 1977 happened while he was fishing. It sent him to hospital with chest and stomach burns. Roy Sullivan was never killed by lighting - he committed suicide while in his 70's in 1983 reportedly distraught over the loss of a woman.

Original Article - Thatsweird.net

Ad for Lube

This billboard was put up by Grey Worldwide for a new lubricating cream they have developed. What are they trying to get across here?

"Use our lube and your lady friend's coochie will feel like a two lane highway!"

Maybe I am crazy but that is the exact opposite of the feel I am looking for.

Post your own ideas for an ad slogan in the comment section. I will re-post the picture tomorrow with the best slogan submitted.

In honor of Robert Goulet's Super Bowl commerical I thought I would post this little diddy.

If this doesn't pucker your asshole I don't know what does

I couldn't agree more little buddy.

Teen girl charged with posting nude photos on Internet

I am glad someone figured out what this girl was doing and stopped her because as my Dad used to say she "was cruisin' for a bruisin'." Or the Pittsburgh police just busted up Dateline's greatest "to catch a Predator" sting ever.

However can you really be charged with sexually abusing yourself?

If so, then every 13 and 14 year old boy in the country should be in juvee for jerking off.

Teen girl charged with posting nude photos on Internet