An Interesting Movie

A flash movie that suggests that a Boeing 757 did not hit the Pentagon on 9/11. Not matter what you think it makes some interesting points and besides it will kill about four minutes of your work day.

Pentagon Strike

The U.S. never gets the cool commercials

Sure we have a kick ass military but we never get the cool commercials. Here is a playstation ad that invovles a serengeti like setting, golfers and porn stars. Need I say more?

Playstation Ad

R.I.P. Shakers

I received an email today from some friends that contained an article about how my favorite college bar, Shakers, will be closing its doors this May. I wanted to post a link to the article but the esteemed Moscow/Pullman Daily News requires you to register with them just to read articles online. I have been back the last couple of years but Shakers was never quite the same as the days when we were roaming campus. Nevertheless some of the great nights of my college career (even the ones I had to be told about the next day) wouldn't have quite been the same without Shakers.

Some Kick Ass Driving Movies

A couple links today to some kick ass driving short films. The first one is a 1976 film by Claude Lelouch that stars a Ferrari 275 GTB, a guy with huge balls and the city of Paris.

C’etait un rendezvous

The second movie is a BMW film directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Clive Owen with a 2001 M5.

Star

Both movies might take a little time to download but they are both worth it.

S N Double O P

Just an observation on how Snoop has influenced today's youth. I was in line today to buy an Old Fashioned Turkey Sandwich from the deli at my school, when I overheard a law professor and the deli worker, a soon to be college graduate, talking about the deli worker's job prospects after she graduated.

Prof: Well, good luck. I know it is awfully competitive out there these days.

Deli Girl: Yeah I know, it's a Doggy Dog world.

Prof: (baffled look)

Me: laugh to the the girl next to me.

Girl next to me: (nodding in agreement with Deli Girl)

Me: (under my breath) you gotta be fucking kidding me.

One Hell of a Sunday

I am not sure that this Sunday could get much better. I have spent the day in my recliner drinking beers and watching playoff football. I decided to do my taxes today and lets just say that the U.S. government is going to be sending me 1 G unit or 1000 dollars to the layman. I immediately opened iTunes and bought three new CD's. I am not sure if I am done purchasing music yet...it is directly related to the number of beers I have consumed.

KU got on a girl last night who is dating a 26 year old Israeli Jew millionaire Kung Fu master. I think he is going to be sleeping on our couch for the next month or so. No worries though I emailed him the link to all the ninja gear so that he can stock up and protect himself.

To Lexington: You should move to Seattle so we could have spent this fine Sunday blogging and getting our drink on.

NINJA

God I have been looking for a place to get all the things I need to be a Ninja for months now. It looks like I have finally found the place. This place has everything you need along with nice descriptions so you know what you are getting. My LARGE SCALE ASSAULT PLAN is already in the mail.....some shit is gonna go down.

KATANA
Ninjas prefer to kill people with exotic weapons, but every once in awhile they roll with something traditional.

LARGE SCALE ASSAULT PLAN
Ninja's don't petition the UN or make a bunch of picket signs when shit doesn't go their way. They identify the source of the problem, and kill everyone.

Ninja Shit

The Saga of Bloodninja

I have never read anything so weird that made me laugh so hard. These are transcripts of Bloodninja cybersex chats but the other particpating party doesn't quite get what they expect. There is a sample below the link.

The Saga of Bloodninja

Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.

Sometimes this thing just writes itself

Blank TV

This site is awesome. It has all kinds of punk videos that you aren't going to see on MTV. Bands like NOFX, Millencolin, Allister, The Ataris and Strung Out.

Blank TV

This has Berg written all over it

Received this email today from a friend in Hollywood. The only thing missing is the "Dear Nelson" at the beginning.

IMMEDIATE CASTING FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS ONLY!

PARTY ANIMALS!!!!

Did you break the all-time beer bong challenge during Greek Week in college? Did you hook up with more girls/guys in a single weekend than anyone else you know? Have you partied for 3 weeks straight and never slept once?

New show in development needs video submissions telling us why you are the definitive partier of your office, school, town, city, etc.

Selected candidates could possibly be sent party hopping across the globe!!! Tell us who you are and show us why you are the craziest, funniest, most revered partier out there. Send submissions asap to:
C. Johnson
E! Entertainment Television
5750 Wilshire Blvd. 4th Floor Los Angeles, CA 90036

Seriously lets pool our reasons and get The Berg on this show.

(Boner)Rubbed the Wrong Way

For those with restricted vocabularies and more or less zero knowledge of the mating habits of gay men, boner rubbing is a shit-dick-hot phenomenon taking place in gay dance parties worldwide. Whereas straight men and women "grind", gay men rub boners. The differences are subtle, but the trained eye quickly realizes that instead of making a typical grinding motion, the dancers simply rub boners like a fucking sabre fight. I tried a non-contact version of the boner rub out with Karl; we both realized that it is a genius dance move. Despite what you may think, you can actually do some pretty cool shit even though you are attached to your dance partner at the boner. The only problem is that rubbing boners creates a considerable amount of friction, and it is highly likely that if one spent an entire evening boner rubbing, he'd end up with boner chafe. But then again, nothing a little Neosporin couldn't cool. Being as it is that I am only 24, I only have first hand knowledge of boner rubbing in the 21st century, so I cannot say for sure where boner rubbing began. MTV's Real World Philadelphia brought the pop-homoculture fad to the limelight through Karamo, one of the show's gay characters. (And one hell of a boner-rubber I might add). Keep these tips in mind as you read not only this post, but future posts to come as well as I will undoubtedly make reference to boner rubbing in days to come.

The fact that tanned, shirtless, back-tattooed, boy toys were techno dancing on table tops at a stallion's pace tipped me off to the fact that I was in a gay bar. A small cluster of Latino boner rubbers, directly in front of the booth playing host to the pentagenerian pork party, provided the damning evidence that I was smack dab in the middle of a fuckin freakfest. I'm pretty sure I saw Froto Baggins there too. The two biggest guys in the bar were wearing skirts and lipstick. My friends started talking to them and they seemed to be honorable; however, their venerability slipped after the cute one tried to kiss Karl. Perhaps she thought Karl was an easy target after she spotted Karl and me jawdropping over some gravity-defying interracial boner rubbing steps being laid down. The craziest thing about these two dudes - aside from the fact that they were about 6'3" 225 and were wearing makeup and halter tops - is that they went home together with some tiny little guy. My mind is literally incapable of imagining the possibilities and permutations of such an arrangement; but hey, I just thought of a new pump thought (aka orgasm delayer).

I went into the bathroom, which was conveniently set up so that you and your partner can take a piss with the comfort and security of having both of your ass cheeks in constant contact. Another exciting feature was the fact that if you had to piss in the only urinal that doesn't put you into an ass lock with whoever is pissing behind you is in such a position that you have to try and scoot between all these asses, with all the attendant cock-against-ass brushes, to get out of the bathroom. I had to tip my cap to the architect. Also, on my return trip to the men's room, I think I won some sweepstakes where two guys suck eachothers dicks off in the stall while I try and pee. I reckon the regulars woulda killed for such a treat.

The night ended up well, after hours party at a fat pad in Belltown. Anheusers and chicks. Also a big silver work-out ball that turned into a game, loosely summarized as a combination of butt-ball, four-square, and a push-up contest. I'm almost positive that the neighbor lady will be submitting a complaint because the wall on the opposite side of her head board was being worked on like a button fly in a boner rubbing competition until about 4 a.m. People who don't drink and stay up late, or at least tolerate those who do are should take caution, I'm pretty sure that God doesn't let mother fuckers into heaven.
~Hank

F*@K AMAZON.COM

What the f*@k is amazon.com doing? Chad Kultgen writes the best product reviews I have ever read and now they are gone. I bought the Top Gun Special Edition DVD because of Chad. If you are not one of the 3 people that read this blog than you have no idea who Chad is but trust me. Here is a letter he wrote about the situation.

Letter from Chad

You have to watch this

God there are times I wished I lived in another country. This is one of those times. This Budweiser ad is fing hilarious. Seriously turn the volume up because the sound is kind of bad and watch this.

Aussie Budweiser Commercial

A Tribute to our Founding Fathers

Since this blog is supposed to be "a place where the Anheuser is always cold." I figured a post recognizing some of their other accomplishments would be in order. If you visit budwesier.com, I think you will find enough to keep yourself busy for a good couple of hours. One of my favorite features though is a service called "giving lip." Some of you are already aware of this as you've fallen victim to a talking gorilla or frog email from me. But for those of you that haven't experienced this technological gloriousness, please click the following link.

Giving Lip

And to you Mitch. Mitchy, Mitchy, Mitchy. I don't appreciate scowling remarks about not posting anything. If I had nothing better to do with my time than post nonsense about salary clocks or trunk monkeys, well, then I'd be you. And that is a fate I wish on no person.

Enjoy the link and try not to abuse. I may have crossed that line last night.

Anyone for a good Boner Rubbing?

So I went to a little gay bar last night called Neighbors. At first I thought I was back at WSU at a Sig Ep party due to all the dudes with their shirts off but after my roommate Ty got hit on I snapped back to reality. A few key points from the night:

1. Not only did Ty get hit on but two dudes came in to the bathroom and started sucking each other off while he was trying to piss.
2. We ended up in a conversation with two transvestite/drag queens that looked like they were battling for the middle linebacker job at Nebraska.
3. How much boner rubbing can you do before the denim of your jeans rub you raw? I say 90 minutes........max.

All in all it was a hell of a night. I have been complaining for the last two weeks that we needed to do something different and we finally did.

This just ruined my day

I just went to this web site and after spending about 20 seconds there I was so depressed that I walked to the fridge and got a beer. Keep in mind I am sitting on my couch by myself and it is 4 in the afternoon. If you are at work I would not click on this link. If you do click the link at work I am not responsible if you jump out the window or punch your boss in the face.

In the time it took me to make 25 cents Michael Dell made 1,706.45 dollars. Fuck! I am going to get another beer.

Salary Clock

Trunk Monkey

After watching this you are all going to want one but you will have to get in line behind me. I am going to start making daily calls to the Attorney General to find out when these little bastards get approved.

I am going to train mine to throw his own poo at anyone driving a mini van or trying to merge onto a freeway at 35 mph.

Trunk Monkey

Posts for a New Year

Well I had quit updating this thing because I was sick of being the only one who posted anything. There are three other cocksuckers that are listed as contributors on this blog and they don't contribute jack shit. Well I have received a few angry emails from friends who are pissed off that they have nothing new to read. So on that note I am going to get over myself and start posting shit up here again. I have a few things to post today but there is also playoff games to watch and booze to be drank so I don't know how many I will actually get done.