"A CHRISTMAS STORY" HOUSE

I am posting this link up here for Hank because the SOB has been talking about the goddamn TBS 24 hour "A Christmas Story" marathon all week. If only he hadn't spent all that loan money on law school he could have himself one hell of a piece of movie memorabilia. Merry Christmas you bastard.

"A CHRISTMAS STORY" HOUSE

F**K YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

For anyone that doesn't know I have been working for brown(UPS) for the last few weeks. Finally after a few weeks of about 200 stops a day and 400 plus packages I am finally done. It feels like I just got done with finals. So I am now going to do what my friends and I always do when it is time to celebrate....punish the liver. So Happy Holidays everyone and Merry Fucking Christmas.

Oh and you are welcome for all those christmas presents that I delivered.

Three days until people won't have an excuse for playing christmas music

Date My Mom
Well I have already written a post about this fine piece of television programming but the episode I saw the other day was comedy of the highest degree. The bachelor on the show was the funniest guy so far. After not choosing the first daughter whose name meant fire in Celtic the daughter stepped out of the limo and it cut to the guy saying "Now I know why her name means fire. Because she is frickin' hot!!!". After choosing the third daughter she stepped out of the limo and it cut to him saying "I am not mad, I am not mad. My dick is mad but I am not mad." Somebody at MTV needs to get this guy some kind of production deal.

Movie Reviews
Here are some more of the reviews I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

The Hustler (1961)
This a classic pool shark movie starring Paul Newman. I wouldn't say the writers of Poolhall Junkies copied this movie but you can see where they got a few ideas. 4 Star

Badder Santa (2003)
Billy Bob is great in this movie. I never saw the orginal Bad Santa so I couldn't really tell what extra material consituted the unrated version. 4 Star

Van Helsing (2004)
This movie was better than I thought it was going to be. There was actually a story line involved not just 90 minutes of monster killing. 4 Star

Random things from the last few days

One of the best t-shirt slogans I have seen in a while.
The liver is evil and must be punished.

That might be my new messenger name.

Car alarms are a motherf**ker.
After I spent two hours today kicking ass at a job interview I stopped at a Shell station close to home but not in the nicest part of town. I was going in to buy a Diet Pepsi and pay for some gas so I set my car alarm which I had noticed had been talking two or three tries to set/unset lately. Well I came out and tried to deactivate the alarm and nothing. Tried twice...three times...ten times and the thing was still set. After calling a friend to go get my spare remote from home as I was closing in on try sixty the SOB finally worked and I was able to get in the car.

Top Gun Special Edition DVD
I saw a commercial for this last week and the first thing I thought of was another kick ass Amazon review from Chad Kultgen. Nobody loves Top Gun or Bud Ice more than Chad and he doesn't disappoint with this reveiw.

HOLY CRANK!! WHERE'S THE SIXTH STAR 'CAUSE FIVE AIN'T ENOUGH

Movie Reviews
Well I said a few weeks ago I was going to start reviewing the movies I have received from Netflix. Well I wrote about 15 reviews 2 weeks ago but I have failed to post a single one so here is the first batch of three.

SNL: The Best of Christopher Walken (2004)
This is one of the funniest SNL Best of's I have seen. A couple "The Continental" sketches, the funniest Hardball sketch I have seen and of course the classic VH1 Blue Oyster Cult Behind the music. Definitely a 5 star.

"I've got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

Serpico (1973)
Netflix described this movie as one of Pacino's best performances and I would have to agree.
4 Star

Amores Perros (2000)
Although this movie was long coming in at 2h 33m is was still awesome. A movie where you see how the lives of characters in three different story lines affect one another. 5 Star

How many degrees of separation are there between Christopher Walken and Kevin Bacon?

The answer is 2 and if you knew that then I am impressed because I had never heard of Mistress (1992) or Elli Wallach who was the link to Mystic River (2003).

I found this link on the Intern's page of Sports Guy's World. What makes it so kick ass is that you are not limited to just Bacon you can find the links between any actor/actress and any other actor/actress. They even took it one step further and setup a page where you can link any baseball player to another baseball player.

I have wasted enough time writing this post I need to get back to linking celebrities.

Link Kevin Bacon
Link any actor or any actress
Link any baseball player to another baseball player

Giant Cocaine Plants

If the Justice Department had a giant bowl of cereal this is the kind of article that would make it smell like some had just taken a giant shit in said giant bowl of cereal. While Columbian officials have been reporting that smugglers are receiving help from foreign scientists to develop herbicide-resistant coca plant that has 8 times the yield of a normal plant. Meanwhile we have dumped more than 3 billion dollars into crop spraying program that the Columbians are saying has but back the useful coca-growing area by 2/3.

The kicker is that through all this all those wiley drug growing bastards have been doing is spending a little more down at the old farm co-op and dumping extra fertilizer on the ground. By my simple math with 1/3 of the land but 8 times the production you are still coming out with about 2 and 2/3 times the amount of coke.

Fertilizer May Be Root of Big Colombia Coca Plants

Irag Adopts Terror Alert System

The Onion has a great article about the new color coded system that Iraq is implementing so that all citizens will be aware of the threat of a terrorist attack. They report that the current level is yellow-orange which is about two colors above blue described as:

UNSETTLING: Some small weapons fire and scattered roadside bombings; fair chance you will make it to the end of day with all four limbs

Irag Adopts Terror Alert System

More Proof that Richard Branson is a Genius

Branson's Virgin Mobile is going to help customers in Australia by preventing drunken dialing. The service will allow the user to blacklist specific numbers so that they cannot be called until 6am the following morning. According to a survey by the company, over 95 percent of drinkers make phone calls after imbibing, with 30 percent of calls going to the most dreaded of recipients: ex-partners.

Help available for 'drunken dialers'

Date My Mom

I have to admit that I haved watched this show on MTV from beginning to end more than a few times due to my current unemployment status. I have been meaning to write a post about the show but I have had a hard time collecting my thoughts on it. Today I read the Sports Guy's most recent column where he included an email he sent to his buddy the other day and it summed up everything about the show to a T.

Here's what I sent to a buddy in an e-mail yesterday:
"Yo, have you seen 'Date My Mom?' Just when you think MTV can't top themselves, they go ahead and top themselves. A kid takes three different Moms out on a date -- each of them try to sell him on their daughter. The sexual tension is disturbing and palpable. All the Moms say their daughters look like Britney Spears even though some of them look like dudes. Then he has to pick a winner without ever seeing the three daughters. Mesmerizing stuff. When they realize that they passed up the hot daughter for a dog, they all make the same face that ML Carr made when he missed out on Duncan in the '97 Lottery. FANTASTIC TV."

If you haven't seen the show take half hour out of your busy day and check it out. You will not be disappointed.

AMERICA. F**K YEAH

Check out this kick ass flash animation. I think if either presidential campaign had used this instead of their craptastic attack ads they probably would have won in a land slide.

http://www.craptv.com/coop/america.htm

The Greatest Christmas Burn Ever

Alan Aerts I tip my hat to you. I would click on the link below to read the whole story but I will break it down for you real quick.

1. Alan spends $150,000 on a kick ass light display for his house.
2. After last year neighbor complains to city and collects signatures.
3. City makes it a pain in Alan's ass to put up his kick ass display.
4. Alan has a 10 foot motorized Grinch built that points at his neighbors house and says "You'rea mean one mister Grinch!"

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041126/ap_on_re_us/neighborhood_grinch_2

Chad Kultgen badass or the best Amazon reviewer ever?

My friend showed me these product reviews on Amazon.com by this guy named Chag Kultgen. This guy knows how to review products like nothing I have ever read. Click on the link below to read all of his reviews but here is just a taste.

Amazon.com: About Chad Kultgen: Reviews

Honda CRV Transformed Into BadassMobile, November 5, 2004
Let me start off by saying Holy Crank! The Ramsey 8000-Lb. Front Mount Wich just turned my Sweet Ass Honda CRV (blue) into your basic BadassMobile.

Honestly there about a million things I could do with this winch, but the main thing I'm going to use it for is to let everybody in the parking lot at my office know that my CRV is now prepared to kick the ass of every other car on the asphault.

I will also use it to let anyone who's driving in front of me and happens to look back in their rear view mirror know that my 1998 Honda CRV (blue) could basically drag their sorry ass around town until doomsday with the new serious Badass front mount winch.

I'm also suspecting that someone might slip down into the LA River again this year, and since I live near there with my roommate Carl, I could potentially be the first one on the scene with my winch to pull the sorry (...)out of the rapids hero-style. But that would be really lucky I guess. We'll see.

In sum, this winch is Badass and now so is my 1998 Honda CRV (blue).

This Just Upsets Me

According to Gallup…

Only about a third of Americans believe that Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution is a scientific theory that has been well supported by the evidence, while just as many say that it is just one of many theories and has not been supported by the evidence. The rest say they don’t know enough to say. Forty-five percent of Americans also believe that God created human beings pretty much in their present form about 10,000 years ago. A third of Americans are biblical literalists who believe that the Bible is the actual word of God and is to be taken literally, word for word.

Is this true? A third of you people actually believe the Bible word for word? Do you not realize that it was written by man 2000 years ago? Some dudes sat down with the pen & paper of their day and wrote a story. Now you guide your life by it? I am sorry but you are fucking idiot. Don't you realize there that there were very few scientific advances 2000 years ago and man had to create stories to explain the things that they didn't understand?

Then the other half of you deutsche bags think that humans were created 10,000 years ago. So there were Neandrethals and what not cruising the planet and then one day God was like "They suck let me make somthing better." then we just showed up? I am not sure if you are dumber then those dipshits that believe the bible word for word.

Sir Richard Branson vs. Donald Trump

This isn't even a contest. You are comparing a man who has been successful in only one field (real estate) and has had to declare bankruptcy for his Atlantic City casinos twice to a man who has started over 350 companies by himself. Not to mention instead of ending his showy in a stuffy ass boardroom with a shitty has been catch phrase Branson is popping bottles of champagne having a good time on one of his kick ass AirBus jetliners. Oh, and have you seen that fucking comb over. I hope that they put that shit in the Smithsonian one day because future generations should be able to see what this dipshit is trying to pull off.

Super Size Me

Holy God! I just watched this movie today and it blew me away. I am not going to be eating any fast food for a long long time. That poor bastard gained 24 1/2 lbs in just 30 days. It is not even how gross it is to eat all that McDonalds but all of the facts that they bring up throughout the movie that just floored me. For instance the large fruit & yogurt parfait with granola has more calories then the hot fudge, caramel, or strawberry sundaes. I know kids love Mac D's who wouldn't with the clown, playgrounds and toys in the Happy Meals but we need to show this movie to the kids so that they can see what the hell this shit is going to do to their body. I don't want to discount how hard it is to be a parent butparents need to see this movie so that when they think about taking the easy route and hitting the drive through they understand what they are doing to their children.

Shit this post got way more serious than I intended it to be especially considering the amount of booze I have consumed.

First Batch of Movies

Elephant
Elephant is a tale about high school violence that unfolds on an ordinary school day, inside a typical American high school filled with the usual goings-on -- schoolwork, football, gossip and peer pressure. For each of the students we meet, high school is a different experience: stimulating, friendly, traumatic, lonely or just plain hard. Directed by indie film auteur Gus Van Sant.

Rating - 2 Star

The Station Agent
When his only friend dies, a young dwarf named Finbar McBride (Peter Dinklage) relocates to an abandoned train station in rural New Jersey, intent on living the life of a hermit. But his solitude is soon interrupted by his colorful neighbors, which include a struggling artist (Patricia Clarkson) coping with the recent death of her young son and a talkative Cuban hot dog vendor (Bobby Cannavale).

Rating - 4 Star

Grand Theft Parsons
Phil Kaufman (Johnny Knoxville, star of television's "Jackass"), road manager for music legend Gram Parsons, steals his friend's body after his death and, with the help of hearse owner Larry (Michael Shannon), drives it to Joshua Tree National Park. Living up to a pact they had made two months earlier, Phil gives Parsons the last rites he'd requested -- a cremation in his beloved desert. Marley Shelton and Christina Applegate also star.

Rating - 4 Star

Posting

So it would appear that right when we actually go some readers who started to like our blog here the four of us just quit posting material. I have spoke with the other contributors and we are going to get back on top of this thing. Give us a couple of days and we should be back in full swing. There should be some new additions in the coming week as well. We are going to be adding another contributer from southern California who will tell us about how tough it is to live 20 minutes from the beach. I have recently subscribed to NetFlix so I will start posting a brief synopsis of the movies I see and I will develop some sort of a system to rate them.

The War on Terror

I just heard on MSNBC that over 50% of Americans think that the war on Terror and the war in Iraq are related and or are the same thing. I have one thing to say to everyone of those people.

YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!

Who ordered 20 men to fly planes into the World Trade Centers?
What nation were these 20 men from?
What country were all these men trained in?

The war in Iraq is all about a son who held a grudge against the man who had a plan in place to assassinate his dad.

Lets get this going

I haven't really posted much over the last week and a half. This is due to the fact that I got laid off last Tuesday and have spent most of my time either writing a resume or looking for a job. All that hasn't really left me in the mood to search the net for the weird shit I usually post about. As of tonight we are going to get some posts going again and I will try to pry myself away from the PS2 to surf the net.

Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox & all their fans

Congratulations to the Bo Sox and all their fans. I am glad that you were able to put all those bitch ass Yankees fans in their place. I just wanted to put up a quote from my favorite writer on ESPN.com Bill Simmons. I think it sums up how a majority of the Red Sox fans feel after last nights game.

"Just called my Dad. Been waiting to make that call my whole life. "It happened in my lifetime!" he keeps saying. As an added bonus, the apocalypse didn't happen. "

You're Kidding Me Right?

The Puyallup school district in the state of Washington has decided to cancel its Halloween celebration where the kids get dressed up at school and have a parade. The first two reasons sited by the school district make perfect sense to me:

1. "We really want to make sure we're using all of our time in the best interest of our students."
2. Some families can't afford costumes and the celebrations thus can create embarrassment for children.

The third reason is the one that is killing me:
3. "Witches with pointy noses and things like that are not respective symbols of the Wiccan religion and so we want to be respectful of that."

Yes you read that correctly. The school district doesn't want to offend any real witches. What the fuck? What is this country coming to? I have read of a better time when we tossed the real witches off into the river to see if they would sink or swim. If these "real witches" are so offended that they want to ruin a small childs fun and chance at free candy I say they let lets round these witches up and find the nearest river.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=184701&page=1

The Genius of Jack Nicholson

This is a quote from Jack Nicholson in an upcoming biography that manages to catalogue his extensive sexual conquests:

"It's the other woman I would never lie to. You only lie to two people in your life: your girlfriend and the police. Everybody else you tell the truth to."

Ingredients for a Funny Flash Cartoon

1. Lindsay Lohen's Boobs
2. A catchy song
3. Some creative bastard to put it all together.

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/poptoons/lohan_song.asp

A-Rod and his manicure

This is an email that was sent into the Sports Guy at ESPN.com

name = Neal Clemens
city = Milwaukee, WI
comment = Am I the only person that knew the Sox were going to win Game 6 when they flashed to the Yankee dugout and A-Rod was checking out his manicure?

He must have been worried about a chipped nail after bitch slapping Arroyo's glove.

The Paper Ass Gasket

Can someone please explain why guys use the Paper Ass Gasket (PAG) in a clean public restroom to me? You know that little flimsy ass tissue paper thing that they have in the stalls of public restrooms. At my place of employment we have a mens restroom equipped with urinals and stalls. As far as I can tell every male in the office uses these PAG’s except for me. The restroom at the office is very well cleaned by a janitorial staff every single night so what is the point of the PAG? The slighest breeze will move the little bastard before you can pinch it between your ass and the toilet seat. If there is piss on the seat your PAG is just going to get damp and probably stick to your thighs. If you are worried about water splashing up on your ass then do you use a PAG at home? The home thing is what gets me. Even if you clean your bathroom every 3 days you are using that toilet to piss and shit in. I can guarantee you that the toilets that are only used for shitting and are cleaned every night are going to be cleaner.

This has been bugging me for a while now so if anyone can explain it to me I would appreciate it.

Apparently "Ty" isn't too tech savvy

The dipshit made 4 comments to Lexington's post. Basically I think he may have though that the "back to the post" button allowed him to change the comment instead of posting all drafts of the apology. Well, one thing apparent aside from his dipshitry is that he does appear to be sorry.

Look for a fun piece on the joys of watching running coming soon at Tasty Booze

Beck

My friend Tyler called ......

and told me that he had something to say. He wanted you to look at the comment under Lexington Steele's "Serious Allegations....." post.

Serious allegations...

A funny thing happened to me while in the Bookie Sunday morning after the Coug game. I ran into Megan Johnston. After some meaningless small talk and what-have-you's we crossed the subject of pregame functions. As I explained to her that we had a good sized party at the RV lot, she butted in to let me know she had heard about it. I believe the quote was, "... oh yeah, I heard you guys were drinking there before the game. One of your friends invited me out there, he told me to look for the shittiest RV in the lot."

I took this as a quite an insult as most would have. I poured blood, sweat and booze into that Playboy mansion on wheels for the past few months to make it party worthy and it seemed to me that the quoter in question had quite a good time while he was drinking in the shittiest RV in the lot. Now I will not mention any names here but this slanderer knows his wrong doings and must surely be carrying a guilty conscience right now. I only ask that you admit your falsehoods and let it be known that the RV is not the shittiest, but merely the bad-assiest of all RV's in the RV lot, before a public blog-flogging ensues.

Query Letters I Love

I actually found this site yesterday and couldn't believe it. Here is the sites description:

" Actual, honest to god query letters I've received in Hollywood. Updated daily. And hey, if one of these is your query, have a sense of humor, will ya? You're gonna need it in this town. "

There are probably close to 30 Oscar worthy ideas listed. This one is so good I posted my own comment about it. What the fuck is 'ripe for action'?

"After being laid up for six months, DEKE COLE, a macho mountain man and highly skilled professional hunter/poacher, is ripe for action. He is going to draw out and hunt down the 'squaw bitch' who put him out of commission with a bullet in the thigh. With the thrill of the hunt in his gut his "reign of terror" will soon begin! "

http://queryletters.blogspot.com/

How Do They Make Those Little Plastic Bricks?

If you ever wondered how Lego made all those little plastic bricks you used to build shit with or stick up your nose when you were little check out this flash animation.

http://www.popandco.com/archive/moab/

Angry John Sellers

If you haven't clicked the link to the right to Angry John Sellers I would highly suggest it. It is posts like the one below that cause me to laugh out loud in my cube and probably have my coworkers wondering what the fuck I am doing.

" WHY I'M ANGRY TODAY
Here is the final line in Stephen Holden's review of the J. Lo - Gere shitcake of a movie: "Shall We Dance?" is a gaudy, sequined invitation to freedom. Actually, this doesn't make me angry at all. But it does make me beg the question: Why the fuck is Stephen Holden still employed by The New York Times? "

Cougar Football Shattnerday

Saturday was another dissapointing day for most Cougar Football fans, that is besides brother Fitzgerald who was undoubtably relishing in all his glory. However, there were a few shining moments for most of us without question. The RV made the return trip to Pullman with few problems and a pirates booty of Buschweiser. Pregame fiesta had a strong showing of hardcore boozing and a guest appearance by none other than Jeff Johnson. Not much could be said about the game. Partly because it stunk and partly because my memory of that is fuzzy at best. 5 L's of chillable red was consumed by those in sector 23 during the second half while the season ticket in front of us was a little more concerned on whether or not her 10 year old son would be coming home with red stains on his sweatshirt again. Whoops!

Play of the game highlights were seen postgame. I will do some self-loathing and take the honors from the last weekend in Pullman with two highlight reel plays. 1) Dumping a 32 gallon garbage can of kettle corn on Conor in a post game "gatorade showeresqe" move. 2) Sending Jason Eastman on a 10 foot tumble down Bohler gym hill with a hip check move stolen from Brother Bartheld. This weeks gameball went to Brother Farina and Andy Roberts (my roommate and Conor's cousin). The three of us were congregated at Sellas for some 64 oz hammers of Anheuser and pizza. While trying to finish what was probably number 19 - 23 beerz of the night Farina and Roberts got a little creative with placemats. In attempts to earn their place on the wall, things may have crossed the line and gotten a little risque. Keeping in mind that I was well past the legal limit, I don't remember all of the submitted entries, however I did manage to recall a few "wall worthy mats." 1) I'd rather smell your pizza than eat your pussy 2) Sellas calzones are great but I'd prefer getting head and fucking in the ass 3) Sellas just feels good (with a pictoral of a guy boning a calzone) 4) Sellas is good but pussy rocks. These were all fairly classic but the gameball was rewarded when Roberts actually handed these to our hot little waitress with a straight face. Anyhow, may have been one of those situations where you just had to be there but I was still laughing the next day when I managed to recollect the previous evenings endeavors. Hope all is well in your various parts of the country. And if you happen to be in Pullman next weekend make sure you stop by the RV when the latest addition should be present. An external beer tap donated by the financial genius, Cory Bartheld.

It's a big fucking world

1. Science has proven that the domestication of animals has resulted in a progressive erosion of their mental facilities. The domestication of humans has led to similar effects.

2. Your life is passing in front of you, you are getting old. You are going to die, and you're never going to be on television.

3a. Get drunk and have sex at 4 am on a Tuesday in the back of a running cop car while the pig's in the Chinese restaurant shaking poor Johnny Wong down for Chow Mein leftovers. Call in sick to work tomorrow.

3b. Stop being afraid of everything.

Sent in by TB.

Note to self.....

When heading out on my next babysitting gig be sure to check perimeter of house for following objects:

1. Shovel
2. Baseball Bat
3. BB Gun
4. MACHETE

Do not under any circumstances try to prevent the 11 year old girl from choking the dog because she has to feed it unless I want to have her chase me around with all of the above listed objects.

Can we get this little girl some Riddlin some fucking marijuana? Just chill her the fuck out, make her like a little Fonzie.
http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=2401576

Dazed & Confused

I am sure that everyone already saw this on MSN but I had to post the link. I don't know what is better the fact that the characters from Dazed & Confused were based on real people, that all three still live in the same town or that it took eleven years for these douche bags to figure out that having movie characters based on themselves using their names whose most well known lines are:

Slater : Oh, man, I'm fuckin' wasted.

Wooderson : That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

Pink : All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life - remind me to kill myself.

probably wasn't that great of an idea. Here is the link to the story. Oh and Pink consider yourself reminded.
http://entertainment.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=170188

I am so sick of you and your DIVA FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Alright enough is enough. We have had this site going for about a week now and so far not a single one of you pussies has sent in shit. So I am going to lay down the gauntlet. The first one of you punk ass bitches to send in a story will receive a $25 Starbucks gift card. Don't drink coffee? Well fuck you. Find a girl to take out, never know it could get you laid. Sure you could send in a shitty story and yes you would win. But let it be known I will make it a point to make fun of your bitch ass everytime I post something.

DISCLAIMER:
If you are my roommate you are not eligable to win this little contest. Sorry TB.

Keep in mind these are FUCKING BB GUNS!!

A quote from their website "Airsoft Extreme offers custom AEG's! We call them AE Max guns. These are all fine crafted by our gunsmith with the finest upgrade parts and tested to make sure they are in top working order. If you do not see a custom gun that you would like to, please email us."

Click the link on the left titled AE MAX guns

http://www.airsoftextreme.com/store.html

One Hell of a Quote

This quote came from a friend of mine on one fine sunny Saturday afternoon when the Anheusers were going down like water and the Blue Angels were flying overhead.

"The only chance I have left at being a professional althelete is pro bowling. I think if I start practicing everday, I could do it."
-KU

Blueberry Muffin

I was reading an interview with the boys that run www.collegehumor.com on Gawker and found this new vocab word I had to share with everyone.

"Let me drop a hot new college vocab word. Blueberry muffin. Noun. A girl who gained 10-15 lbs but still wears the same clothes she did in high school. For an explanation, look at the part of the muffin that flops over the wrapper."
-Ricky

I would like to point out this can definitely apply to post college girls who thought they would drop that 10 - 15 once they left campus (justifying the buying of the same high school size clothes) but it just never happened.

Proposed Vocabulary

What the hell do you call those things that knot the hairs on your taint into a fucking cat-spent ball of twine after going for a jog or doing some other athletic activity? You know, those things that you can feel when you're in the shower scrubbing down the undercarriage. You're like, "fuck, I wondered why it felt like someone was pulling on my pubes, but not quite hard enough to rip them out. Oh well........(as you grab onto the twisted mess) one.........two.........THREE. What in the hell did I do to deserve that?"

Well, I think I've heard of those things referred to as dingleballs. That doesn't cut it. The dingleballs I know of are those things that Mexicans in the Yakima and Wenatchee Valleys place around the edge of the ceiling on the insides of their a) pimped out minivans, b) pimped out full sized vans, 3) pimped out trucks, 4) pimped out Camaros, 4) pimped out Monte Carlos, 5) beat up, run down Pontiacs. Sometimes they attach them to the ends of their ponchos in order to get hot latinas.

I propose a new word for this travesty, let the nuisance that is lint and hair twisted into a painful knot on your taint be known from this day forth as a VELOCITY BAG

For Your Health and Safety

I would highly recommend that everyone take the time to read this site and educate themselves because " Your testicles are an invaluable source of pleasure to you, your loved ones, and your whole family! "

Everyone should be sure to try the science experiment at home.

http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/

Speaking of Good TV

Is there a better non-reality TV show on right now then Las Vegas?

I mean you have three guys who run the security at a casino and change from average dude to undercover agent to CSI techno wiz all in the course of a one hour show. If that wasn’t enough you have three smoking hot babes who do nothing but wear low cut tight ass outfits that distract you long enough to realize that nothing is actually going on in the show. By the end of the hour all six main characters are all together arms around one another laughing like the end of a Saved by the Bell episode.

I am really not sure what else you could possibly need or want from a network show.

Fuck Technology

There is nothing like spending 8 hours solving other peoples technical problems only to come home and have to spend 3 hours solving your own.

"PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?
-Michael Bolton

Lets Get This Started

I am starting this blog for all the guys out there who have a funny story to tell but don't want to have to maintain an entire blog. Send whatever you've got to tastybooze@gmail.com. Any topic is up for grabs

Did you have a big night with the boys?
Did you get laid?
Just need to get something off your chest?

Everything sent in will be posted. I don't want pissed off people so use intials instead of full names. There will be some of my friends regulary posting shit up here to so it want be just me you have to deal with. So enough of this administrative bullshit start sending me shit that I can post.