Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox & all their fans

Congratulations to the Bo Sox and all their fans. I am glad that you were able to put all those bitch ass Yankees fans in their place. I just wanted to put up a quote from my favorite writer on ESPN.com Bill Simmons. I think it sums up how a majority of the Red Sox fans feel after last nights game.

"Just called my Dad. Been waiting to make that call my whole life. "It happened in my lifetime!" he keeps saying. As an added bonus, the apocalypse didn't happen. "

You're Kidding Me Right?

The Puyallup school district in the state of Washington has decided to cancel its Halloween celebration where the kids get dressed up at school and have a parade. The first two reasons sited by the school district make perfect sense to me:

1. "We really want to make sure we're using all of our time in the best interest of our students."
2. Some families can't afford costumes and the celebrations thus can create embarrassment for children.

The third reason is the one that is killing me:
3. "Witches with pointy noses and things like that are not respective symbols of the Wiccan religion and so we want to be respectful of that."

Yes you read that correctly. The school district doesn't want to offend any real witches. What the fuck? What is this country coming to? I have read of a better time when we tossed the real witches off into the river to see if they would sink or swim. If these "real witches" are so offended that they want to ruin a small childs fun and chance at free candy I say they let lets round these witches up and find the nearest river.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=184701&page=1

The Genius of Jack Nicholson

This is a quote from Jack Nicholson in an upcoming biography that manages to catalogue his extensive sexual conquests:

"It's the other woman I would never lie to. You only lie to two people in your life: your girlfriend and the police. Everybody else you tell the truth to."

Ingredients for a Funny Flash Cartoon

1. Lindsay Lohen's Boobs
2. A catchy song
3. Some creative bastard to put it all together.

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/poptoons/lohan_song.asp

A-Rod and his manicure

This is an email that was sent into the Sports Guy at ESPN.com

name = Neal Clemens
city = Milwaukee, WI
comment = Am I the only person that knew the Sox were going to win Game 6 when they flashed to the Yankee dugout and A-Rod was checking out his manicure?

He must have been worried about a chipped nail after bitch slapping Arroyo's glove.

The Paper Ass Gasket

Can someone please explain why guys use the Paper Ass Gasket (PAG) in a clean public restroom to me? You know that little flimsy ass tissue paper thing that they have in the stalls of public restrooms. At my place of employment we have a mens restroom equipped with urinals and stalls. As far as I can tell every male in the office uses these PAG’s except for me. The restroom at the office is very well cleaned by a janitorial staff every single night so what is the point of the PAG? The slighest breeze will move the little bastard before you can pinch it between your ass and the toilet seat. If there is piss on the seat your PAG is just going to get damp and probably stick to your thighs. If you are worried about water splashing up on your ass then do you use a PAG at home? The home thing is what gets me. Even if you clean your bathroom every 3 days you are using that toilet to piss and shit in. I can guarantee you that the toilets that are only used for shitting and are cleaned every night are going to be cleaner.

This has been bugging me for a while now so if anyone can explain it to me I would appreciate it.

Apparently "Ty" isn't too tech savvy

The dipshit made 4 comments to Lexington's post. Basically I think he may have though that the "back to the post" button allowed him to change the comment instead of posting all drafts of the apology. Well, one thing apparent aside from his dipshitry is that he does appear to be sorry.

Look for a fun piece on the joys of watching running coming soon at Tasty Booze

Beck

My friend Tyler called ......

and told me that he had something to say. He wanted you to look at the comment under Lexington Steele's "Serious Allegations....." post.

Serious allegations...

A funny thing happened to me while in the Bookie Sunday morning after the Coug game. I ran into Megan Johnston. After some meaningless small talk and what-have-you's we crossed the subject of pregame functions. As I explained to her that we had a good sized party at the RV lot, she butted in to let me know she had heard about it. I believe the quote was, "... oh yeah, I heard you guys were drinking there before the game. One of your friends invited me out there, he told me to look for the shittiest RV in the lot."

I took this as a quite an insult as most would have. I poured blood, sweat and booze into that Playboy mansion on wheels for the past few months to make it party worthy and it seemed to me that the quoter in question had quite a good time while he was drinking in the shittiest RV in the lot. Now I will not mention any names here but this slanderer knows his wrong doings and must surely be carrying a guilty conscience right now. I only ask that you admit your falsehoods and let it be known that the RV is not the shittiest, but merely the bad-assiest of all RV's in the RV lot, before a public blog-flogging ensues.

Query Letters I Love

I actually found this site yesterday and couldn't believe it. Here is the sites description:

" Actual, honest to god query letters I've received in Hollywood. Updated daily. And hey, if one of these is your query, have a sense of humor, will ya? You're gonna need it in this town. "

There are probably close to 30 Oscar worthy ideas listed. This one is so good I posted my own comment about it. What the fuck is 'ripe for action'?

"After being laid up for six months, DEKE COLE, a macho mountain man and highly skilled professional hunter/poacher, is ripe for action. He is going to draw out and hunt down the 'squaw bitch' who put him out of commission with a bullet in the thigh. With the thrill of the hunt in his gut his "reign of terror" will soon begin! "

http://queryletters.blogspot.com/

How Do They Make Those Little Plastic Bricks?

If you ever wondered how Lego made all those little plastic bricks you used to build shit with or stick up your nose when you were little check out this flash animation.

http://www.popandco.com/archive/moab/

Angry John Sellers

If you haven't clicked the link to the right to Angry John Sellers I would highly suggest it. It is posts like the one below that cause me to laugh out loud in my cube and probably have my coworkers wondering what the fuck I am doing.

" WHY I'M ANGRY TODAY
Here is the final line in Stephen Holden's review of the J. Lo - Gere shitcake of a movie: "Shall We Dance?" is a gaudy, sequined invitation to freedom. Actually, this doesn't make me angry at all. But it does make me beg the question: Why the fuck is Stephen Holden still employed by The New York Times? "

Cougar Football Shattnerday

Saturday was another dissapointing day for most Cougar Football fans, that is besides brother Fitzgerald who was undoubtably relishing in all his glory. However, there were a few shining moments for most of us without question. The RV made the return trip to Pullman with few problems and a pirates booty of Buschweiser. Pregame fiesta had a strong showing of hardcore boozing and a guest appearance by none other than Jeff Johnson. Not much could be said about the game. Partly because it stunk and partly because my memory of that is fuzzy at best. 5 L's of chillable red was consumed by those in sector 23 during the second half while the season ticket in front of us was a little more concerned on whether or not her 10 year old son would be coming home with red stains on his sweatshirt again. Whoops!

Play of the game highlights were seen postgame. I will do some self-loathing and take the honors from the last weekend in Pullman with two highlight reel plays. 1) Dumping a 32 gallon garbage can of kettle corn on Conor in a post game "gatorade showeresqe" move. 2) Sending Jason Eastman on a 10 foot tumble down Bohler gym hill with a hip check move stolen from Brother Bartheld. This weeks gameball went to Brother Farina and Andy Roberts (my roommate and Conor's cousin). The three of us were congregated at Sellas for some 64 oz hammers of Anheuser and pizza. While trying to finish what was probably number 19 - 23 beerz of the night Farina and Roberts got a little creative with placemats. In attempts to earn their place on the wall, things may have crossed the line and gotten a little risque. Keeping in mind that I was well past the legal limit, I don't remember all of the submitted entries, however I did manage to recall a few "wall worthy mats." 1) I'd rather smell your pizza than eat your pussy 2) Sellas calzones are great but I'd prefer getting head and fucking in the ass 3) Sellas just feels good (with a pictoral of a guy boning a calzone) 4) Sellas is good but pussy rocks. These were all fairly classic but the gameball was rewarded when Roberts actually handed these to our hot little waitress with a straight face. Anyhow, may have been one of those situations where you just had to be there but I was still laughing the next day when I managed to recollect the previous evenings endeavors. Hope all is well in your various parts of the country. And if you happen to be in Pullman next weekend make sure you stop by the RV when the latest addition should be present. An external beer tap donated by the financial genius, Cory Bartheld.

It's a big fucking world

1. Science has proven that the domestication of animals has resulted in a progressive erosion of their mental facilities. The domestication of humans has led to similar effects.

2. Your life is passing in front of you, you are getting old. You are going to die, and you're never going to be on television.

3a. Get drunk and have sex at 4 am on a Tuesday in the back of a running cop car while the pig's in the Chinese restaurant shaking poor Johnny Wong down for Chow Mein leftovers. Call in sick to work tomorrow.

3b. Stop being afraid of everything.

Sent in by TB.

Note to self.....

When heading out on my next babysitting gig be sure to check perimeter of house for following objects:

1. Shovel
2. Baseball Bat
3. BB Gun
4. MACHETE

Do not under any circumstances try to prevent the 11 year old girl from choking the dog because she has to feed it unless I want to have her chase me around with all of the above listed objects.

Can we get this little girl some Riddlin some fucking marijuana? Just chill her the fuck out, make her like a little Fonzie.
http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=2401576

Dazed & Confused

I am sure that everyone already saw this on MSN but I had to post the link. I don't know what is better the fact that the characters from Dazed & Confused were based on real people, that all three still live in the same town or that it took eleven years for these douche bags to figure out that having movie characters based on themselves using their names whose most well known lines are:

Slater : Oh, man, I'm fuckin' wasted.

Wooderson : That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

Pink : All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life - remind me to kill myself.

probably wasn't that great of an idea. Here is the link to the story. Oh and Pink consider yourself reminded.
http://entertainment.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=170188

I am so sick of you and your DIVA FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Alright enough is enough. We have had this site going for about a week now and so far not a single one of you pussies has sent in shit. So I am going to lay down the gauntlet. The first one of you punk ass bitches to send in a story will receive a $25 Starbucks gift card. Don't drink coffee? Well fuck you. Find a girl to take out, never know it could get you laid. Sure you could send in a shitty story and yes you would win. But let it be known I will make it a point to make fun of your bitch ass everytime I post something.

DISCLAIMER:
If you are my roommate you are not eligable to win this little contest. Sorry TB.

Keep in mind these are FUCKING BB GUNS!!

A quote from their website "Airsoft Extreme offers custom AEG's! We call them AE Max guns. These are all fine crafted by our gunsmith with the finest upgrade parts and tested to make sure they are in top working order. If you do not see a custom gun that you would like to, please email us."

Click the link on the left titled AE MAX guns

http://www.airsoftextreme.com/store.html

One Hell of a Quote

This quote came from a friend of mine on one fine sunny Saturday afternoon when the Anheusers were going down like water and the Blue Angels were flying overhead.

"The only chance I have left at being a professional althelete is pro bowling. I think if I start practicing everday, I could do it."
-KU

Blueberry Muffin

I was reading an interview with the boys that run www.collegehumor.com on Gawker and found this new vocab word I had to share with everyone.

"Let me drop a hot new college vocab word. Blueberry muffin. Noun. A girl who gained 10-15 lbs but still wears the same clothes she did in high school. For an explanation, look at the part of the muffin that flops over the wrapper."
-Ricky

I would like to point out this can definitely apply to post college girls who thought they would drop that 10 - 15 once they left campus (justifying the buying of the same high school size clothes) but it just never happened.

Proposed Vocabulary

What the hell do you call those things that knot the hairs on your taint into a fucking cat-spent ball of twine after going for a jog or doing some other athletic activity? You know, those things that you can feel when you're in the shower scrubbing down the undercarriage. You're like, "fuck, I wondered why it felt like someone was pulling on my pubes, but not quite hard enough to rip them out. Oh well........(as you grab onto the twisted mess) one.........two.........THREE. What in the hell did I do to deserve that?"

Well, I think I've heard of those things referred to as dingleballs. That doesn't cut it. The dingleballs I know of are those things that Mexicans in the Yakima and Wenatchee Valleys place around the edge of the ceiling on the insides of their a) pimped out minivans, b) pimped out full sized vans, 3) pimped out trucks, 4) pimped out Camaros, 4) pimped out Monte Carlos, 5) beat up, run down Pontiacs. Sometimes they attach them to the ends of their ponchos in order to get hot latinas.

I propose a new word for this travesty, let the nuisance that is lint and hair twisted into a painful knot on your taint be known from this day forth as a VELOCITY BAG

For Your Health and Safety

I would highly recommend that everyone take the time to read this site and educate themselves because " Your testicles are an invaluable source of pleasure to you, your loved ones, and your whole family! "

Everyone should be sure to try the science experiment at home.

http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/

Speaking of Good TV

Is there a better non-reality TV show on right now then Las Vegas?

I mean you have three guys who run the security at a casino and change from average dude to undercover agent to CSI techno wiz all in the course of a one hour show. If that wasn’t enough you have three smoking hot babes who do nothing but wear low cut tight ass outfits that distract you long enough to realize that nothing is actually going on in the show. By the end of the hour all six main characters are all together arms around one another laughing like the end of a Saved by the Bell episode.

I am really not sure what else you could possibly need or want from a network show.

Fuck Technology

There is nothing like spending 8 hours solving other peoples technical problems only to come home and have to spend 3 hours solving your own.

"PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?
-Michael Bolton

Lets Get This Started

I am starting this blog for all the guys out there who have a funny story to tell but don't want to have to maintain an entire blog. Send whatever you've got to tastybooze@gmail.com. Any topic is up for grabs

Did you have a big night with the boys?
Did you get laid?
Just need to get something off your chest?

Everything sent in will be posted. I don't want pissed off people so use intials instead of full names. There will be some of my friends regulary posting shit up here to so it want be just me you have to deal with. So enough of this administrative bullshit start sending me shit that I can post.