Party Rip

Alright, I think we can all agree that this blog needs to be dusted off. It has been so long since the last post I would bet this bit of enlightment will likely go unread, which is a shame. This web site is by a few fellow Cougs who rank in the 99 + percentile when it comes to partying. It covers the art of "party ripping" and for any of you that have seen this gesture live, you would without a doubt agree with me. So check out this website and give the rip a shot. You won't be dissappointed.

Let's Rip

- Lex -

Porsche Carrera GT in Fatal Crash

These two guys died so I can't really make light of it. I will say that it takes a serious set of balls to take your $450,000 super car out and take it balls to the wall on a race track. These guys didn't back down for a second, they put the thing into the wall at over 100 mph.

I wish I was in a place in life where I could not only drop $450,000 on a car but then take it out and drive it without even caring if I wreck it.

Porsche Carrera GT in Fatal Crash

Ebay - 2005 Porsche : Carrera Gt

The Trunk Monkey

I think I might have posted these before but they are just to good. Here are all four for you enjoyment.

"Good Job! Now get back in the trunk!"

Thrown Off Bridge
Want a Donut?
Throwing Eggs
Back in Trunk

Another Quote from KU

"God....If religion got you high and fucked up I wouldn't need to drink anymore."

A Quote from KU

"I mean...I am no Josh Knowles but I must be doing something right."

I know....I know it's a little inside.

You've Got One of Those Four-Hour Erections ...

So you took Cialis on Saturday night for a great night with your lady. Unfortunately that 36 hour life span kicks in at your board meeting Monday morning and the next thing you know you've had an erection for the last four hours. Well things are about to get worse because chances are they are going to have to cut Mr. Happy.

You've Got One of Those Four-Hour Erections ...

Leave it to the Onion

I can't even count...or remember? How many times this has happened to me.

Having-One-Beer Plan Goes Awry

As the wise Trent Walker said almost ten years ago... "You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip. "

Date Disastrously Bypasses Physical Intimacy, Goes Straight To Emotional Intimacy

For all the trivia lovers

Here is a great resource for when you get drunk during an intense trivia game and can't quite remember how a particular musician died. The musicians are sorted in several helpful categories such as Inhalation of Vomit, Russian Roulette, and Poor Maintenance.

Dead Musician Directory

Someone explain the logic process here

So these guys hang our flag upside down and burn them on a regular basis...fine. There is one report of a Koran in a toilet and all hell breaks loose? There is rioting in Afghanistan and they are killing each other over of it? Can someone explain that to me? Then the Saudi's come out and say that they are pissed so Condoleezza says "there will be prompt action" if the charges are proved true. When did we become the Saudi's bitch? Did I miss that memo? I mean I know we need their oil but this is ridiculous.

Nine killed as Afghans rage at US

How come I wasn't in on this joke?!

Why didn't the S.O.B ever tell us he was into synthesizers. I would have loved to pretend I was from Sweden and fuck with the synthesizer nerds on the internet. Nice graphics work by the way I had no idea you had that much skill. I can definitely remember seeing you wear that sweater out to the bars before.

Elhardt is a funny guy

R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg

This is about a month and half over due but if somehow you didn't know Mitch Hedberg passed away. This guy was fucking hilarious and was just about to get his mainstream big break. Below are two links to sites that have great Hedberg quotes.

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

"Y'know I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes

As always the old people want to ruin the fun

I not really that worried about the boys at Cal because I spent four years in the Greek system at a “dry” university and I drank myself retarded. However I do think this is a ridiculous response to a couple of problems. I think these things happen because I can’t imagine any one in the Greek system going into the exciting world of campus administration. I think the guys that spent four years in the dorms are taking their revenge.

Cal bans alcohol at campus fraternities

God, some religious people have to be PISSED.

I bet some of those hardcore Christians had a brain aneurism when they read this. What about all those douche bag groups that are convinced they can succeed where Elaine failed in convincing a man to switch back to the home team.

Is You Is, or Is You Ain't?

The sexual area of a gay man's brain works a lot like that of a woman when exposed to a particular stimulus, researchers say. In an experiment, men and heterosexual women sniffed a chemical from the male hormone testosterone. The homosexual men's brains responded differently from those of heterosexual males, and in a similar way to the women's brains. Confronted by a chemical from testosterone, the male hormone, portions of the brains active in sexual activity were activated in straight women and in gay men, but not in straight men, the researchers found. "It is one more piece of evidence ... that is showing that sexual orientation is not all learned," said Sandra Witelson, a Canadian expert on brain anatomy and sexual orientation.
-- Associated Press

Bringing this thing back

So it has been about two months since any of us have updated this thing. I think at some point we actually had some people who didn’t know us reading. Well we fucked that up.

I have decided to start posting again because I have been traveling lately and I am bored. The town I am currently in was described to me by the gentleman who is from another town about an hour but familiar with the town as:

“You know those jokes about rednecks? Well here they are true. There are a few honkey tonk joints around town but you might want to have a gun, a knife or know karate before you go inside.”

Needless to say that means I won’t be cruising town. So I fell back on my trusty friend Anheuser.

Whole bunch of crap

This is from Bill Simmons latest mailbag. This is just a great burn.

Q: Scoop Jackson says that "Cornbread, Earl and Me" and "The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars" are the greatest sports movies of all time. Where do you rank them?
– Brian Artis, Newport News, Va.

SG: That's like asking me, "Scoop Jackson thinks the world is flat, where do you stand?"

So you think you are your teams biggest fan!?
A friend of mine who has been mentioned here before, you probably know him as KU recently told us this little story. KU was such a big Coug fan back in 8th grade that he lied to his parents about being cut from the basketball team so that he could attend the Apple Cup. Most people wouldn't make that kind of sacrifice for their favorite team in their entire life time...let alone in 8th grade. My hat is off to KU...my hat is off.

A Memorable Quote from Last Weekend
"I usually get five good drinks out of a bottle."
-The Berg

To clarify by bottle he is referring to a fifth of Canadian Mist.

Bracketology
Here in the great northwest the big news this March Madness is that the goddamn Washington Huskies got a #1 seed to the Big Dance. The only thing more ridiculous than that is the fact that two Huskies in the pool I am in have picked the Huskies to win the whole thing. I am sure there will be more Huskies that join the pool and make this same pick. This could be the biggest case of betting with your heart that I have ever seen. But good luck to the guys in the pool...not the Huskies.

From Figure Skater to MIT Physicist - Either Way Still Genius

KU, the same guy who had the quote, "I have great balance, I should be an athlete or a figure skater" blew the shit out of all of our feeble minds with his mathematical proof that is sure to explain the age old question, "what is the meaning of life?" The answer - a surpisingly simple one at that - came to KU moments after he threw out his last $100 chip at the Skagit Casino, putting him at a $978 disadvantage against the local indians for the night. Mind you he was in a wedding that day and was nearly blacked out, still dressed in the rented tux, shiny ass shoes and all.

KU - "Life is pretty much fuc (hiccup) fucking comes down to 2 equations: G= Greed and A, no wait, yeah, A=PW ...... Ambition = Personal Wealth. It's just that simple, G=Greed=Gutter, which is where I am, and A=PW."

Now as you can imagine this therom was cause for reflection....could KU have just figured it all out. I mean, sure, now he is screaming fuck, fuck, fuck, how the fuck could I spend a thousand dollars, and running at a 4.6 40 down the hallway and into the wall, trying to break it or himself, or do something to aleviate the pain that comes hand-in-hand with being obsesive compulsive. But could KU have actually breached the walls of the well-guarded secret? Fuck no, A=PW, that is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. Let's all just give KU the benifit of the doubt though, he probably doesn't remember saying that, after all, he did say that he was so pissed that he wanted to either kill himself or "do a Ted DiBiase" (the million dollar man) to the headboard of his hotel bed. Luckily for us, he DiBiased the hotel bed. Apparently KU didn't learn his lesson after the bachelor party for this wedding where he had to buy a broken closet door at the hotel for $300...........canadian! yeah, no shit, the hotel room itself was only $250 US.

Congratulations to Chris & Jamie

This past weekend most of us here at always cold along with most of our friends made a 90 minute drive north to see our good friend Chris get married. The reception was a great time. I have never seen any groom remove a garter belt like Chris and as usual most of us never made it more than 20 feet from the free booze table. I had the pleasure of having a fat girl knock into a friend's girlfriend causing her to spill red wine all over her dress and my entire left arm. The best part is that said fat girl didn't even acknowledge what she did or apologize. Once we had polished off all the free booze we moved the party local Indian casino a few miles down the road. Not only did one of us manage to drop almost a g unit at the casino they must have had Mike and Danny from NBC's Las Vegas manning the surveillence cameras. They managed to prevent some of the craftier members of the crew from sneaking anheusers from the trunk of the car into the hotel. First team Vegas called a hallway phone next to team anheuser as they were trying to get beer to the room to let them know they were busted. Then they called the front desk while team anheuser B was standing there to tell them that they needed to go outside and tell team anheuser A to quit putting beers in their socks. All in all it was a great little Saturday.

Wal-Mart pulling more wool over everyone's eyes

For the those of you who read this blog on a regular basis you know that none of us are fans of Wal-Mart. Just thought I would post a link to this article that further proves they are destroying America but like to give speeches to pretend they are not.

The Wal-Mart Manifesto

Could this day get any better?

I was informed today that the company I have been temping for since January will be making me a permanent employee come this March 1st. To that I say FUCK YEAH.

To go ahead and spread iceing on that cake I found out today that a man whose blog I read everyday actually posted a comment on my blog. I am not going to repost his comment but you can find it under the post titled "The best feel good story I have read in a long time". Click the February link to the right to find it.

Angry John Sellers

It involves a hot chick in a thong. Just watch it.

Unmodel Behavior
What would you do in the same situation? I know my friends would pour drinks down my gullet at the bar.

Roger Swanson: You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?

Roger Dodger

Insight & Advice from Donnie Darko

Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

Donnie: Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.

Donnie Darko

Some woman should have been impressed with how much I drank this weekend

R.I.P: Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

Here is a link to The Good Doctor's last article on Page 2. I really hope we can get this Shotgun Golf thing going. I have got the clubs now I just need to find someone with the other half of the required equipment.
Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray

A couple of great insights by Chris Busch from his application to the Sports Guy Intern Contest.
3. In "Napoleon Dynamite", when Napoleon's bizarre girl classmate comes to his door selling homemade keychains, and she tells him that she is doing it to raise money for college, and Napoleon's brother is sitting on the couch and mutters under his breath "Your mom goes to college" ... I have no idea where I was going with this. But for the record, this was the best Your Mom joke since the millenium turned.

2. One of my dreams in life is to appear on "Fear Factor". All I want is to get through the day two gross out stunt, and have Joe ask me how it was, so I can reply like so: "That was probably one of the ten grossest things I have ever done. Definitely top 20." For my money, nothing beats watching a girl choke down four pig rectums (recti?), and then tell Joe "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done!" Really? The most disgusting? In your whole 19 years on this Earth?

I really can't believe this shit. Some Star Wars geek is really going to cream his jeans when he pays the $1800 for this thing. You can laugh but you are going to shit your pants when you see this thing on a golf course.
STAR WARS LANDSPEEDER

God who knew that paper ass gaskets and automatic toilets don't mix?
PooP

Some Random Things I Have Come Across the Last Few Days

SI Swimsuit Issue
Remember when this mattered? Of course, remember when it was your only outlet for hottie soft-soft-core skin? Between the lad mags, cable TV and the Internet, it's just not that big of a deal anymore. Frankly, I've seen better on a pop-up ad in the last hour.
--Dan Shanoff Page 2 on espn.com

I believe that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Then you should find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
--Ron White

All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.
--Brian Flanagan

I have such good balance...I should be an ice skater.
--Underwood

Don't you wish there were odds on this Michael Jackson trial, just so we could wager on things like "6-to-1 that one of the Culkins will be a mystery witness for the prosecution"?
--Bill Simmons

The section below is from an article on Slate titled "Supplemental Insecurity: The revelations buried in Bush's latest supplemental budget request." written by Fred Kaplan

It's there in the section dealing with the $5.7 billion requested for the "Iraq Security Force Fund," which notes that the interim Iraqigovernment, with assistance from coalition nations, has already created a security force of 90 battalions, but then adds:

All but one of these 90 battalions, however, are lightly equipped and armed, and have very limited mobility and sustainment capabilities.

In other words, 89 of Iraq's 90 battalions essentially cannot fight. This section of the document goes on:

These limitations, coupled with a more resilient insurgency than anticipated have led the Prime Minister of Iraq to request forces that can participate in the "hard end" of the counterinsurgency, and to do so quickly.

Can someone just explain to me what the hell we have been doing for the last year and a half? I thought training these guys to fight for themselves was the top priority. This just goes to show we are never going to get out of Iraq.

I have heard of soccer hooligans....

but this is just out of control. I like to do a little gambling and I have made my fair share of stupid bets but this is insanity. Not to mention the guy just went and did it....then walked 200 yards. Sure he is was headed to a bar but thatdoesn't really change anything.

Well, at Least He Won't Be Fathering More Fans...

May we all go this way...

This is just another one of those feel good stories. The sad thing is I can actually see this sort of thing happening to one of our good friends. Someone may need to check Nelson's apartment for funnels...

Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema

A Quote From My Mom

"Well your Dad was 25 when I met him and he was 27 when we got married. So I still have hope for you." -Jill

That really fucks with your Super Bowl Sunday.

To the window! To the wall! TILL THE SWEAT DRIPS OFF MY BALLS!!!!!!

So no Big Kahuna?

Maybe doing things like this during my job interviews are the reason I haven't been able to get a job yet. I thought it was a reasonable request.

Demand that if hired you want a desk plate that reads, "Big Kahuna."

Get Annoyed

Did they make this shit at the f**king mall!?

Germans love David Hasselhoff....and he seems to be hooked on a feeling. What did it take for him to do this? Was he drunk? Did they snatch him off a corner in a black van and force him to do this under fear of bodily harm? It doesn't really matter all that matters is that it is fantastic!

Hooked on a Feeling Music Video

I would not open this at work

Who ever came up with this is genius. A five day vacation for 3 g units where I quote "Porn Week is an exciting, 5 day all-inclusive adult vacation package that takes YOU behind the scenes of big budget porn shoots in exotic locations around the world." Trust me your 3 g units gets you much more then just behind the scenes access but I don't want to give it all away.

Porn Week

The best feel good story I have read in a long time

This is a great story. I read it this morning at about 9 am and it made my whole day. I don't want to ruin it but lets just say it invovles being buried in an avalanche and having 60 beers sitting in the back seat.

The Feel Good Story

An Interesting Movie

A flash movie that suggests that a Boeing 757 did not hit the Pentagon on 9/11. Not matter what you think it makes some interesting points and besides it will kill about four minutes of your work day.

Pentagon Strike

The U.S. never gets the cool commercials

Sure we have a kick ass military but we never get the cool commercials. Here is a playstation ad that invovles a serengeti like setting, golfers and porn stars. Need I say more?

Playstation Ad

R.I.P. Shakers

I received an email today from some friends that contained an article about how my favorite college bar, Shakers, will be closing its doors this May. I wanted to post a link to the article but the esteemed Moscow/Pullman Daily News requires you to register with them just to read articles online. I have been back the last couple of years but Shakers was never quite the same as the days when we were roaming campus. Nevertheless some of the great nights of my college career (even the ones I had to be told about the next day) wouldn't have quite been the same without Shakers.

Some Kick Ass Driving Movies

A couple links today to some kick ass driving short films. The first one is a 1976 film by Claude Lelouch that stars a Ferrari 275 GTB, a guy with huge balls and the city of Paris.

C’etait un rendezvous

The second movie is a BMW film directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Clive Owen with a 2001 M5.

Star

Both movies might take a little time to download but they are both worth it.

S N Double O P

Just an observation on how Snoop has influenced today's youth. I was in line today to buy an Old Fashioned Turkey Sandwich from the deli at my school, when I overheard a law professor and the deli worker, a soon to be college graduate, talking about the deli worker's job prospects after she graduated.

Prof: Well, good luck. I know it is awfully competitive out there these days.

Deli Girl: Yeah I know, it's a Doggy Dog world.

Prof: (baffled look)

Me: laugh to the the girl next to me.

Girl next to me: (nodding in agreement with Deli Girl)

Me: (under my breath) you gotta be fucking kidding me.

One Hell of a Sunday

I am not sure that this Sunday could get much better. I have spent the day in my recliner drinking beers and watching playoff football. I decided to do my taxes today and lets just say that the U.S. government is going to be sending me 1 G unit or 1000 dollars to the layman. I immediately opened iTunes and bought three new CD's. I am not sure if I am done purchasing music yet...it is directly related to the number of beers I have consumed.

KU got on a girl last night who is dating a 26 year old Israeli Jew millionaire Kung Fu master. I think he is going to be sleeping on our couch for the next month or so. No worries though I emailed him the link to all the ninja gear so that he can stock up and protect himself.

To Lexington: You should move to Seattle so we could have spent this fine Sunday blogging and getting our drink on.

NINJA

God I have been looking for a place to get all the things I need to be a Ninja for months now. It looks like I have finally found the place. This place has everything you need along with nice descriptions so you know what you are getting. My LARGE SCALE ASSAULT PLAN is already in the mail.....some shit is gonna go down.

KATANA
Ninjas prefer to kill people with exotic weapons, but every once in awhile they roll with something traditional.

LARGE SCALE ASSAULT PLAN
Ninja's don't petition the UN or make a bunch of picket signs when shit doesn't go their way. They identify the source of the problem, and kill everyone.

Ninja Shit

The Saga of Bloodninja

I have never read anything so weird that made me laugh so hard. These are transcripts of Bloodninja cybersex chats but the other particpating party doesn't quite get what they expect. There is a sample below the link.

The Saga of Bloodninja

Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.

Sometimes this thing just writes itself

Blank TV

This site is awesome. It has all kinds of punk videos that you aren't going to see on MTV. Bands like NOFX, Millencolin, Allister, The Ataris and Strung Out.

Blank TV

This has Berg written all over it

Received this email today from a friend in Hollywood. The only thing missing is the "Dear Nelson" at the beginning.

IMMEDIATE CASTING FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS ONLY!

PARTY ANIMALS!!!!

Did you break the all-time beer bong challenge during Greek Week in college? Did you hook up with more girls/guys in a single weekend than anyone else you know? Have you partied for 3 weeks straight and never slept once?

New show in development needs video submissions telling us why you are the definitive partier of your office, school, town, city, etc.

Selected candidates could possibly be sent party hopping across the globe!!! Tell us who you are and show us why you are the craziest, funniest, most revered partier out there. Send submissions asap to:
C. Johnson
E! Entertainment Television
5750 Wilshire Blvd. 4th Floor Los Angeles, CA 90036

Seriously lets pool our reasons and get The Berg on this show.

(Boner)Rubbed the Wrong Way

For those with restricted vocabularies and more or less zero knowledge of the mating habits of gay men, boner rubbing is a shit-dick-hot phenomenon taking place in gay dance parties worldwide. Whereas straight men and women "grind", gay men rub boners. The differences are subtle, but the trained eye quickly realizes that instead of making a typical grinding motion, the dancers simply rub boners like a fucking sabre fight. I tried a non-contact version of the boner rub out with Karl; we both realized that it is a genius dance move. Despite what you may think, you can actually do some pretty cool shit even though you are attached to your dance partner at the boner. The only problem is that rubbing boners creates a considerable amount of friction, and it is highly likely that if one spent an entire evening boner rubbing, he'd end up with boner chafe. But then again, nothing a little Neosporin couldn't cool. Being as it is that I am only 24, I only have first hand knowledge of boner rubbing in the 21st century, so I cannot say for sure where boner rubbing began. MTV's Real World Philadelphia brought the pop-homoculture fad to the limelight through Karamo, one of the show's gay characters. (And one hell of a boner-rubber I might add). Keep these tips in mind as you read not only this post, but future posts to come as well as I will undoubtedly make reference to boner rubbing in days to come.

The fact that tanned, shirtless, back-tattooed, boy toys were techno dancing on table tops at a stallion's pace tipped me off to the fact that I was in a gay bar. A small cluster of Latino boner rubbers, directly in front of the booth playing host to the pentagenerian pork party, provided the damning evidence that I was smack dab in the middle of a fuckin freakfest. I'm pretty sure I saw Froto Baggins there too. The two biggest guys in the bar were wearing skirts and lipstick. My friends started talking to them and they seemed to be honorable; however, their venerability slipped after the cute one tried to kiss Karl. Perhaps she thought Karl was an easy target after she spotted Karl and me jawdropping over some gravity-defying interracial boner rubbing steps being laid down. The craziest thing about these two dudes - aside from the fact that they were about 6'3" 225 and were wearing makeup and halter tops - is that they went home together with some tiny little guy. My mind is literally incapable of imagining the possibilities and permutations of such an arrangement; but hey, I just thought of a new pump thought (aka orgasm delayer).

I went into the bathroom, which was conveniently set up so that you and your partner can take a piss with the comfort and security of having both of your ass cheeks in constant contact. Another exciting feature was the fact that if you had to piss in the only urinal that doesn't put you into an ass lock with whoever is pissing behind you is in such a position that you have to try and scoot between all these asses, with all the attendant cock-against-ass brushes, to get out of the bathroom. I had to tip my cap to the architect. Also, on my return trip to the men's room, I think I won some sweepstakes where two guys suck eachothers dicks off in the stall while I try and pee. I reckon the regulars woulda killed for such a treat.

The night ended up well, after hours party at a fat pad in Belltown. Anheusers and chicks. Also a big silver work-out ball that turned into a game, loosely summarized as a combination of butt-ball, four-square, and a push-up contest. I'm almost positive that the neighbor lady will be submitting a complaint because the wall on the opposite side of her head board was being worked on like a button fly in a boner rubbing competition until about 4 a.m. People who don't drink and stay up late, or at least tolerate those who do are should take caution, I'm pretty sure that God doesn't let mother fuckers into heaven.
~Hank

F*@K AMAZON.COM

What the f*@k is amazon.com doing? Chad Kultgen writes the best product reviews I have ever read and now they are gone. I bought the Top Gun Special Edition DVD because of Chad. If you are not one of the 3 people that read this blog than you have no idea who Chad is but trust me. Here is a letter he wrote about the situation.

Letter from Chad

You have to watch this

God there are times I wished I lived in another country. This is one of those times. This Budweiser ad is fing hilarious. Seriously turn the volume up because the sound is kind of bad and watch this.

Aussie Budweiser Commercial

A Tribute to our Founding Fathers

Since this blog is supposed to be "a place where the Anheuser is always cold." I figured a post recognizing some of their other accomplishments would be in order. If you visit budwesier.com, I think you will find enough to keep yourself busy for a good couple of hours. One of my favorite features though is a service called "giving lip." Some of you are already aware of this as you've fallen victim to a talking gorilla or frog email from me. But for those of you that haven't experienced this technological gloriousness, please click the following link.

Giving Lip

And to you Mitch. Mitchy, Mitchy, Mitchy. I don't appreciate scowling remarks about not posting anything. If I had nothing better to do with my time than post nonsense about salary clocks or trunk monkeys, well, then I'd be you. And that is a fate I wish on no person.

Enjoy the link and try not to abuse. I may have crossed that line last night.

Anyone for a good Boner Rubbing?

So I went to a little gay bar last night called Neighbors. At first I thought I was back at WSU at a Sig Ep party due to all the dudes with their shirts off but after my roommate Ty got hit on I snapped back to reality. A few key points from the night:

1. Not only did Ty get hit on but two dudes came in to the bathroom and started sucking each other off while he was trying to piss.
2. We ended up in a conversation with two transvestite/drag queens that looked like they were battling for the middle linebacker job at Nebraska.
3. How much boner rubbing can you do before the denim of your jeans rub you raw? I say 90 minutes........max.

All in all it was a hell of a night. I have been complaining for the last two weeks that we needed to do something different and we finally did.

This just ruined my day

I just went to this web site and after spending about 20 seconds there I was so depressed that I walked to the fridge and got a beer. Keep in mind I am sitting on my couch by myself and it is 4 in the afternoon. If you are at work I would not click on this link. If you do click the link at work I am not responsible if you jump out the window or punch your boss in the face.

In the time it took me to make 25 cents Michael Dell made 1,706.45 dollars. Fuck! I am going to get another beer.

Salary Clock

Trunk Monkey

After watching this you are all going to want one but you will have to get in line behind me. I am going to start making daily calls to the Attorney General to find out when these little bastards get approved.

I am going to train mine to throw his own poo at anyone driving a mini van or trying to merge onto a freeway at 35 mph.

Trunk Monkey

Posts for a New Year

Well I had quit updating this thing because I was sick of being the only one who posted anything. There are three other cocksuckers that are listed as contributors on this blog and they don't contribute jack shit. Well I have received a few angry emails from friends who are pissed off that they have nothing new to read. So on that note I am going to get over myself and start posting shit up here again. I have a few things to post today but there is also playoff games to watch and booze to be drank so I don't know how many I will actually get done.