Congratulations to Chris & Jamie

This past weekend most of us here at always cold along with most of our friends made a 90 minute drive north to see our good friend Chris get married. The reception was a great time. I have never seen any groom remove a garter belt like Chris and as usual most of us never made it more than 20 feet from the free booze table. I had the pleasure of having a fat girl knock into a friend's girlfriend causing her to spill red wine all over her dress and my entire left arm. The best part is that said fat girl didn't even acknowledge what she did or apologize. Once we had polished off all the free booze we moved the party local Indian casino a few miles down the road. Not only did one of us manage to drop almost a g unit at the casino they must have had Mike and Danny from NBC's Las Vegas manning the surveillence cameras. They managed to prevent some of the craftier members of the crew from sneaking anheusers from the trunk of the car into the hotel. First team Vegas called a hallway phone next to team anheuser as they were trying to get beer to the room to let them know they were busted. Then they called the front desk while team anheuser B was standing there to tell them that they needed to go outside and tell team anheuser A to quit putting beers in their socks. All in all it was a great little Saturday.

Wal-Mart pulling more wool over everyone's eyes

For the those of you who read this blog on a regular basis you know that none of us are fans of Wal-Mart. Just thought I would post a link to this article that further proves they are destroying America but like to give speeches to pretend they are not.

The Wal-Mart Manifesto

Could this day get any better?

I was informed today that the company I have been temping for since January will be making me a permanent employee come this March 1st. To that I say FUCK YEAH.

To go ahead and spread iceing on that cake I found out today that a man whose blog I read everyday actually posted a comment on my blog. I am not going to repost his comment but you can find it under the post titled "The best feel good story I have read in a long time". Click the February link to the right to find it.

Angry John Sellers

It involves a hot chick in a thong. Just watch it.

Unmodel Behavior
What would you do in the same situation? I know my friends would pour drinks down my gullet at the bar.

Roger Swanson: You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?

Roger Dodger

Insight & Advice from Donnie Darko

Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

Donnie: Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.

Donnie Darko

Some woman should have been impressed with how much I drank this weekend

R.I.P: Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

Here is a link to The Good Doctor's last article on Page 2. I really hope we can get this Shotgun Golf thing going. I have got the clubs now I just need to find someone with the other half of the required equipment.
Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray

A couple of great insights by Chris Busch from his application to the Sports Guy Intern Contest.
3. In "Napoleon Dynamite", when Napoleon's bizarre girl classmate comes to his door selling homemade keychains, and she tells him that she is doing it to raise money for college, and Napoleon's brother is sitting on the couch and mutters under his breath "Your mom goes to college" ... I have no idea where I was going with this. But for the record, this was the best Your Mom joke since the millenium turned.

2. One of my dreams in life is to appear on "Fear Factor". All I want is to get through the day two gross out stunt, and have Joe ask me how it was, so I can reply like so: "That was probably one of the ten grossest things I have ever done. Definitely top 20." For my money, nothing beats watching a girl choke down four pig rectums (recti?), and then tell Joe "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done!" Really? The most disgusting? In your whole 19 years on this Earth?

I really can't believe this shit. Some Star Wars geek is really going to cream his jeans when he pays the $1800 for this thing. You can laugh but you are going to shit your pants when you see this thing on a golf course.
STAR WARS LANDSPEEDER

God who knew that paper ass gaskets and automatic toilets don't mix?
PooP

Some Random Things I Have Come Across the Last Few Days

SI Swimsuit Issue
Remember when this mattered? Of course, remember when it was your only outlet for hottie soft-soft-core skin? Between the lad mags, cable TV and the Internet, it's just not that big of a deal anymore. Frankly, I've seen better on a pop-up ad in the last hour.
--Dan Shanoff Page 2 on espn.com

I believe that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Then you should find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
--Ron White

All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.
--Brian Flanagan

I have such good balance...I should be an ice skater.
--Underwood

Don't you wish there were odds on this Michael Jackson trial, just so we could wager on things like "6-to-1 that one of the Culkins will be a mystery witness for the prosecution"?
--Bill Simmons

The section below is from an article on Slate titled "Supplemental Insecurity: The revelations buried in Bush's latest supplemental budget request." written by Fred Kaplan

It's there in the section dealing with the $5.7 billion requested for the "Iraq Security Force Fund," which notes that the interim Iraqigovernment, with assistance from coalition nations, has already created a security force of 90 battalions, but then adds:

All but one of these 90 battalions, however, are lightly equipped and armed, and have very limited mobility and sustainment capabilities.

In other words, 89 of Iraq's 90 battalions essentially cannot fight. This section of the document goes on:

These limitations, coupled with a more resilient insurgency than anticipated have led the Prime Minister of Iraq to request forces that can participate in the "hard end" of the counterinsurgency, and to do so quickly.

Can someone just explain to me what the hell we have been doing for the last year and a half? I thought training these guys to fight for themselves was the top priority. This just goes to show we are never going to get out of Iraq.

I have heard of soccer hooligans....

but this is just out of control. I like to do a little gambling and I have made my fair share of stupid bets but this is insanity. Not to mention the guy just went and did it....then walked 200 yards. Sure he is was headed to a bar but thatdoesn't really change anything.

Well, at Least He Won't Be Fathering More Fans...

May we all go this way...

This is just another one of those feel good stories. The sad thing is I can actually see this sort of thing happening to one of our good friends. Someone may need to check Nelson's apartment for funnels...

Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema

A Quote From My Mom

"Well your Dad was 25 when I met him and he was 27 when we got married. So I still have hope for you." -Jill

That really fucks with your Super Bowl Sunday.

To the window! To the wall! TILL THE SWEAT DRIPS OFF MY BALLS!!!!!!

So no Big Kahuna?

Maybe doing things like this during my job interviews are the reason I haven't been able to get a job yet. I thought it was a reasonable request.

Demand that if hired you want a desk plate that reads, "Big Kahuna."

Get Annoyed

Did they make this shit at the f**king mall!?

Germans love David Hasselhoff....and he seems to be hooked on a feeling. What did it take for him to do this? Was he drunk? Did they snatch him off a corner in a black van and force him to do this under fear of bodily harm? It doesn't really matter all that matters is that it is fantastic!

Hooked on a Feeling Music Video

I would not open this at work

Who ever came up with this is genius. A five day vacation for 3 g units where I quote "Porn Week is an exciting, 5 day all-inclusive adult vacation package that takes YOU behind the scenes of big budget porn shoots in exotic locations around the world." Trust me your 3 g units gets you much more then just behind the scenes access but I don't want to give it all away.

Porn Week

The best feel good story I have read in a long time

This is a great story. I read it this morning at about 9 am and it made my whole day. I don't want to ruin it but lets just say it invovles being buried in an avalanche and having 60 beers sitting in the back seat.

The Feel Good Story