Bodybuilders

In an effort to enhance my performance for the 2007 drinking season, I've recently begun an effort to shed some pounds gained during the '06 season. So today I "ninja'ed" "calories in an AMPM cheeseburger", to see the potential effect that three of the world's tastiest morsels would have on my well tuned high performance drinking physique. In so doing, I stumbled across a subclass of humanity that could bench press the collective rest of us: bodybuilders. Believe it or not, these guys are fucking hilarious. Here's a taste of some of the quotes I found on http://www.iamabodybuilder.com/, written by the literary comical genius, and yes, bodybuilder, Myron Mielke.

"Don't be just another guy with a pot belly and stick legs whose only exercise is mowing the lawn on Saturday mornings. Be the guy with ripped abs and legs of steel mowing the lawn on Saturdays!"

"If someone complains that they can't stop eating cheeseburgers or chocolate, [set an example and] go another day on low carbs and slam down another can of tuna just for kicks. You're a bodybuilder, my friend. Cheeseburgers and chocolate are for normal people."

"If you're still reading this, the chances are you got up this morning and either did cardio first thing on an empty stomach or you headed for the gym to pump iron. And you've probably eaten at least five to six times and are about ready for another protein shake."

"Do another set of squats this week for me and I'll choke down another can of tuna, a protein drink, and a dry baked potato for you."

On his first visit to Gold's Gym in Venice, California, which he refers to as "Bodybuilding Mecca"

"Here's my review of the facility, it was cool."

"The only complaint I really had was that the dumbbells are to be in pairs. I had to hunt for two 65 pounders. I couldn't find them but I did find a pair of 80 pounders instead. They felt like 65 pounds at Gold's."

I'm just gonna throw this one out there, if you don't like it you can throw it right back my way, but I would bet dollars to doughnuts--check that--protein shakes that 9 out of 10 bodybuilders drive either (a) post 1993 Ford mustangs or (b) huge pickup trucks.