Alleged drunk man breaks into airport

LAS VEGAS (AP) -- An intoxicated 28-year-old man apparently broke into a secure area near McCarran International Airport and stole a luggage cart tug car before being arrested early Tuesday.

Its all fun and drunken shenanigans in Vegas until you hit someones Gulfstream G4 jet. Then you're fucked.

Alleged drunk man breaks into airport

Hot Chicks. Taser. Underwear.

Do I really need to write anything else?

Anyone that knows fellow blogger on this site Mike Honcho knows he is the internets #1 connoisseur of taser videos. The SOB spent about 4 straight days searching and watching every video he could find.

I am putting the link to this one up because I bet he hasn't seen it and as the title suggests it involves girls in their underwear.

Enjoy.

Hot Chicks. Taser. Underwear.

Now thats how you Police Chase! From now on you always Police Chase like that!!!

This guy has what I like to call "skills that pay the bills".

People say video games rot kids minds. Well I will tell you what this guy didn't pick up these driving skills in drivers ed.

This has got to be the result of countless hours spent with a PS2 and a game like Need for Speed.

I bet if aliens or demons ever show up this guy would be the first one to find the BFG9000 and start racking up kills before most of us got out of bed.

Police Chase

Note to Mr. Honcho

The other day you called out a fine young man with an outstanding mullet who was looking for a time travel partner by saying "Where the hell did this guy find a flux capacitor?"

Consider your bluff called good sir.

Click the link to the DeLorean Motor Company's online store and do a search for "Flux".

DeLorean Motor Company Online Store

Is your Wal-Mart Safe?

I have never really liked Wal-Mart but I've never really had any good reasons why.

Well I just found one to put on the list.

"For the sample, Wal-Mart stores experienced 6 times the reported number of criminal incidents defined as 'serious or violent" than nearby Target stores in 2004.

Click the link below and you can search by zip code to find out about all the violent crimes happening at your local Wally World.

Wal-Mart Crime Report

Hot Chicks

I just had to throw this out there because Jessica Simpson looks so hot on the front page. Here's a compelling list of The 99 Hottest Women of 2006. If Anna Kournikova is #99, I think you're in for a treat.

Awesome Aerial Photo of Kick Ass Guns

Check out this aerial shot of the New Jersey class battleship USS Iowa firing is huge ass canons.

One shell from those guns could travel 25 miles and lay waste to an entire city block.

Most of the New Jersey class battleships have been decommissioned meaning we have even more kick ass boats on the water now.

Why would you want to fuck with that?

USS Iowa

Deputy Finds Man Punching Shrub

A 23-year-old Hilton Head Island man was charged with public disorderly conduct after a deputy observed him "in a physical confrontation with shrubs" at 8:27 p.m. Saturday at Carolina First, 401 William Hilton Parkway, according to a Beaufort County Sheriff's Report.

Responding to a complaint that a man tried to get into a stranger's car, a deputy called over to the suspect, who was punching vegetation. The man then ran across the bank parking lot to kick one last bush before talking to police, reports said.

He reportedly smelled of alcohol and was taken to the Beaufort County Detention Center, where he is being held for prosecution, according to the jail's online log.

Source: www.islandpacket.com

Cops Everywhere Rejoice

No longer do the fine patrolmen of our cities need to juggle their cup of coffee and their favorite jelly filled doughnut while cruising our streets.

A scientist in North Carolina has figured out how to pack the equivilent of two cups of coffee into a single doughnut.

Now you can pack on pounds and get wired and the only side effect will be sticky fingers. This is a vast improvement over the possibility of scalded junk when you hit a bump and your grande drip explodes on your lap.

Scientist develops caffeinated doughnuts

This could have made for a really bad day

"About 10 seconds after liftoff from runway 19R something happens with the left engine. Alot of smoke and fragments of metal and other material falls down on the runway. At first the pilots don't get any indications in the cockpit and plan to go on to Kuala Lumpur."

Instead it just made a pretty sweet picture.

Malaysia Airlines - Boeing 777-2H6/ER>

Beer Journal

Although the publishers of The Beer Journal don't capitalize their Bs (see Blog, Sweat & Beers below), this is still a pretty cool website with quite a few interesting articles. Check out the article on The Story of American Beer to learn a thing or two today.

The 10 Worst Rap Album Covers Ever Made

Not only are the ablum covers great but the commentary on each one is just hilarious. Take M$. Tee for example.

This is just depressing. Her entire album is about acquiring material possessions and she has the most bare, plain room in the background. At least we know where Pimp Daddy got his gigantic chair! Judging by the black mark on her face he roughed her up pretty good before punching a hole in the wall and stealing every non-denim piece of clothing in her closet. Thank God Ms. Tee managed to preserve that awesome love seat, end table, and classic piece of artwork hanging in the background. It's a long drive to the local flea market and judging by the level effort put into her album cover, I doubt she could cough up the 15 dollars necessary to replace it.

The 10 Worst Rap Album Covers Ever Made

onederwear

This is either a little slice of genuis or the kind of decadence the rest of the world hates us for.

I mean I can see how these would be useful if you were on a long backpacking trip. However I do a lot of traveling for business and packing up my "dirty" underwear has never really been an issue.

Sure I wore them once and now they are "dirty" but its not like I am leaving big mud monkey racing stripes in them. I cram them into a ball and they return home in the exact same way that they made the trip.

There was an incident once after a few days in Venezuela but that is neither here nor there.

I think my favorite thing has to be the multiple styles you can get. Boxers I understand but there is something about disposable bikini cut underwear that is just plain wrong to me.

onederwear

Drinking Games Rule!

My friends and I decided to get together last weekend and play a round of drinking games. Sometimes Crazy 8s results in people getting hammered and passing out early. It's just one of the hazards of playing drinking games with professionals. It kind of reminds me of the old adage, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight."

Toto Apricot F5A - Greatest Toilet Seat Ever?

Let's just run down a few of the features that this bad boy is packing.

1. Embedded MP3 player.
2. Reading Light
3. Ambient Light (for us guys who refuse to turn on the light in the middle of the night)
4. Fragrance Dispenser (automatically detects when you have made it unsafe for other life forms)
5. "Washlet" Feature (nice stream of warm water right on the old brown eye)

This thing is nice then the leather recliner in my living room. If you installed a flat panel TV across from your throne you would never have to leave.

Toto Apricot F5A: MP3 Toilet Seat With Ambient Light, Fart Killer

This is just flat out good marketing. Somebody deserves a raise.

Drunks On A Plane: How Not To Behave During A 6 Hour Flight

You know I have a lot of stories about friends who have gone out, gotten to drunk, done something stupid and then ended up in police custody.

Hell Mike Honcho here is the main character in a few of them.

But you read this story and it sounds more like "Fuck it! I am going to go out and get arrested today and I might as well be drunk when I do it!"

Drunken shenanigans are one thing and I am all for them.

Going out with the intent of doing something stupid and then adding booze to the mix just gives the rest of us a bad name.

Drunks On A Plane: How Not To Behave During A 6 Hour Flight

You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?

A little tribute to Lebowski and his way of living. And yes, I am actually ordained, the certificate is on the wall in my office.

Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

Tijuana Police Issued Slingshots

Hmmm. Good thing we passed the bill for the border fence, cause I don't think we're going to be getting to much help from south of the border. The Tijuana police force of about 2,000 officers have been without guns for half a month and finally they get armed...with slingshots and ballbearings. Look out pigeons, the Federales are coming!!

Verizon Employee Exit Interview

I found this a while ago and there is a chance that it's fake but I don't care because it is fucking hoolarious.

My personal favorite

#3) Would you be interested in working for Verizon on a Part-Time basis? Comments:

"No. Thats like saying I would prefer to be raped half as often."

Verizon Employee Exit Interview

Bauer Power

I've run across a few lists on the internet of some interesting facts about Jack Bauer. Similar to the ever popular Chuck Norris Facts, here are a few of my favorites:

- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

- No man has ever used the phrase, “Jack Bauer is a pussy” in a sentence and lived to tel...

- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

- Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Jack Bauer.

For more random facts about Jack Bauer, visit http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty

Police: Seattle Dealership employees took disabled man for more than $100,000

Nominations for the Douche Bag of the Week will still be accepted until Sunday but this set of pricks might have just locked it up.

Police: Dealership employees took disabled man for more than $100,000

This goes way farther then just convincing some sap he needs a $100,000 dollar car.

What Happens When You Mix Too Much Boggs With Honda?

Considering Hank's post below, I think Jim forgot the #1 rule.

Boggs and Honda

I was watching the AFC Championship Sunday night when Miller Lite and Honda came together to bring all of us a commercial break some time in the fourth quarter. As I sat there and thought about it, I realized that about 80% of my life is at least tangentially, at most directly, connected with these two products. For instance, I drink for a drinking team in Seattle, our drink of choice is Boggs See Tasty Booze Vocabulary in right margin. And I drive a 1996 Honda Accord, which, as an aside, apparently has a big red fucking target on it. I swear, that piece of shit has been hit more times than the "X" button on Mike Honcho's Xbox 360. But seriously, all I do is work on the weekdays, which requires driving my Honda, and drink on the weekends, which invariably includes Boggs.

The interesting thing about these two products is that you need to use them sequentially if you plan on staying out of trouble. Although the danger of using them at the same time depends upon how much you've been using one, if you heavily use one to the point that you're too stubborn to not use the other, you're probably going to end up on one foot looking at the sky and touching your nose. Just an observation.

Blog, Sweat & Beers

Within these musings, you will notice that the word Beer is always capitalized. The reason for this is the same reason so many religions capitalize the names of and references to their God or Gods… respect.

I can’t tell you how many times a conversation about God or The Universe or Human Existence itself has been preceded by the copious consumption of that golden-brown wonder tonic of truth known throughout the world as Beer. In as much as the “B” in the Body of Christ is oft times capitalized, I have chosen to give the same honor to the “C” in Can o’ Beer. Respect the Beer and the Beer will respect you.

Learn how to chug like an outdoorsman at http://www.blogsweatandbeers.com/how-to-chug-a-beer

Never Say "Boo" to a Black Man

I love to play pranks on people. Lucky for me I choose my victims very carefully! Check out this Halloween prank...

Cruise 'is Christ' of Scientology

This is awesome.

Believe it or not Tom Cruise has been dubbed the "Christ" of Scientology by the head whack job over there at the Church of Scientology.

Seems like it was just a few years ago old TC was cutting loose, dancing in his whitey tighties and running a brothel while his parents were away.

Sure he graduated to killing bad guys, wearing fake faces and saving the world but I had no idea the next step was Christ.

Cruise 'is Christ' of Scientology

New Weekly Contest - Douche Bag of the Week

The number of douche bags I come across in a given week never ceases to amaze me. Most of them are in their cars and driving on a strech of road known as 520.

I wanted to give everyone a chance to vent about the douche bags that they have to deal with.

Here is how this will work. You submit your story to tastybooze@gmail.com about a douche bag you came across. On Sunday afternoon the staff here at Tasty Booze will decide on the best story and post it Sunday night.

Depending on the number of submissions we might even throw up some honorable mentions on Monday.

Who can submit a douche bag entry? Anyone

What are some examples? People that don't understand the concept of merging, someone that cheated on you, a friend that flagged you when you passed out, a friend that passed out a 9 pm, you get the idea.

A-1 Badass with Watermelon Size Balls

I am going to leave the description of this one up to the great Dane Cook. Simply substitute "poke in the eye" everytime you read "punch in the face"

"So how did you get away?" and he says, "I punched it, and... it let me go." Let's, let's recap this. A fuckin' SHARK, coming through the water, and this guy... I mean the shark goes over to this guy, bites, this guy punches it in the face, and the shark goes "ALRIGHT!" And tell me, there is no time in your life that you swim faster, than when a fuckin' shark lets you go. Fuckin' shark lets you go... if you don't get pussy, with THAT story, "Wanna see my scar? Yeah I punched a shark in the face. I tried to swim away, I grabbed him, pulled him back. He tried to get away, I pulled him back and punched him again. And I looked him in the face and said, 'Fuck you, Shark.'"


Diver pokes shark in eye, survives head chomp

Casual Definitions of Casual Sex

Recently, on New Years to be exact, I'm pretty sure I fucked up my relationship with my best Booty Call. In fact, maybe she wasn't even a Booty Call. Maybe she's a SWNS (sex with no strings) girl and I took it to an inappropriate level. It went something like this:

Booty Call girl sends a text message at about 2am on January 1st. Any message sent at 2am on January 1st is prone to be misinterpreted, miscommunicated, or maybe just missed (obviously due to the supremely drunken state you are in after about 7 tequila poppers in as many minutes, and the other 20 beers your drank from 8pm to 2am). Unfortunately for me, her message was simple and to the point - "Happy New Years!" - and wasn't likely to be misunderstood. Too bad I didn't pass out earlier...I've always liked the challenge of being the last (or close to last) one up after a hard night of boozing, proving that I can drink more than most of my friends. What did happen was a misinterpretation on my part. I interpreted her "Happy New Years!" text message to mean "I wish I were there now so you could fuck me!" Yikes. Now I'm in trouble, cause of course I'm going to respond to a message that has tweaked my weiner. So, in true 20+ drinks-deep fashion, I responded with the ever classy and clever message "I want to F U hard right now!" Of course, on the 1st at 2:15 am I thought that was probably the best text message I have ever sent, and I went down the hallway chuckling to myself and my command of the smooth talk.

Fast forward to 10am on the 1st. I wake up and remember that I sent a message to this girl, and I remember thinking that it was probably the best message I've ever sent. So, I take out the text message machine and scroll through the recent messages only to be disappointed at my foolishness. Although it was funny, still is funny, and probably a great message to receive (I only wish I were there to see the look on her face), it sucks that I probably ruined my best booty call with booze. But hey, if I'm going to ruin anything it should be over booze, right?

Anyways, if you want some easy guidelines to follow should you ever find yourself in the SWNS or the Booty Call quasi-relationship, check out this article on Casual Definitions of Casual Sex:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/262749422.html

Cheers!

Effective Meetings

I hate meetings. One of my personal rules in life is that nothing is accomplished in a meeting once it crosses the 30 minute mark. Half the attendees can't remember what the original subject was and there is always one person either asleep and/or drooling.

I really liked these tips for effective meetings after I read tip #1.

1) Avoid meetings. Test the importance of a meeting by asking, "What happens without it?" If your answer is, "Nothing," then don't call the meeting.

10 Tips for an Effective Meeting

24 - The Plot Thickens

All I can say is GOD DAMN! I'll go ahead and throw it out there: No fan of 24 ever saw that coming. I sure didn't picture the infamous Graem having the last name Bauer. Now he's wishing he showed a little more affection to his estranged brother over the past years, seeing that he's in the process of giving up information, Jackie B style. The gun hasn't come out yet, and his kneecaps are still intact, but Jack will get the information he needs (through suffocation, maybe a little knife torture, or some good old fashioned screaming, "We don't have time!").

So, as the plot thickens we are left with some questions about the upcoming episodes: Does Jack know that Graem and his cohorts (possibly Philip Bauer, Jack's father) are responsible for dropping the dime to the Chinese about Jack's location at the end of season five? Why haven't Jack and his father spoken in nine years? Is Graem and Marylin's son really Jack and Marilyn's son? I could really go on for days about the questions that we all have...I guess we'll have to wait until next week to find out more.

Touché, Fox, on another kick ass episode of the most kick ass show on tv!

I want a god damn liter of cola!

Ah, first post back on the old blog. Thanks for reviving this and here is my contribution.

I don't think there's a whole lot more entertaining than calling up friends (or enemies) and pranking them with witty comments from unsuspecting movie stars. Here is one of my personal favorities, Trooper Rod Farva.

http://img170.imageshack.us/my.php?image=soundboard6nq.swf

If You’re Functioning, You’re Not An Alcoholic

I can't really say much about this post I am linking to other then the fact that I couldn't agree more.

“Mark,” I answer, “If you’re functioning, then you’re not an alcoholic. The entire point of alcoholism is that you’re not functioning.”

If You’re Functioning, You’re Not An Alcoholic

A Driving Force

Do you think the "snow storms" that have shut down Seattle in recent weeks have been weak? By comparison, it would take approximately twenty years of Seattle snowfall to equate to the amount of snow Pullman, WA gets in a single year. Meet Izzle Pfaff. He shares your sentiments.

"I, however, am a fucking ninja for snow driving. I grew up in Idaho, motherfucker! I took driver's ed in eight inches of snow. How do I know it was eight inches of snow? I measured it with my dick. RAR!"

Read more of Izzle Pfaff at http://www.izzlepfaff.com/

Where the hell did this guy find a flux capacitor?

Afro Ninja

MacGyver MultiTool

I don't know what is better. The fact that it's a paper clip or that drawing of MacGyver.

Was the explosion shown on the package created with one of these multitools?

The Inevitable Work Poop

You know it is going to happen. No matter how hard you try to avoid it the time will come where you have to "see a man about a horse" while you are on clock.

Check out this comprehensive list of work poop scenarios. We have all been through them but they are still funny as hell to read about.

The Inevitable Work Poop

Dick in a Box

This is a couple of weeks old but in case you have been living with your head in the sand I thought I would put it up.

It's no Lazy Sunday but it still pretty goddamn good.

The Japanese Have Struck Gold Again

I don't know about you, but I love me some funny Japanese game shows and pranks. Here are two of the funniest ones I've ever seen!

http://fuvoo.com/FuvooPermaLink.aspx?PostID=226

http://www.glumbert.com/media/tonguetwister


If anyone has more hilarious Japanese videos please post them on the blog.

Jack Bauer - One Man Killing Macine

I didn't start watching 24 until a week ago when the sixth season started. I wish I would have pulled my head out of my ass a few seasons ago because the show is fucking great.

Anyway someone with a lot of time and way more initiative then me created bauercount.com. The site lists every person that Jack has killed along with the weapon used sorted by season.

If you like yourself a little Jack Bauer you should check it out.

http://www.bauercount.com/v3/index.php/season/show/6

Back Again - Take 3

Time to fire this Tasty Booze back up again. We have started and stopped a few times but I think this third time will stick.

We are adding a new author to the site. His ability to search out and find funny videos on the Internet is unparalleled in this world.

As always if you have any funny stories, pictures, or videos send them to tastybooze@gmail.com. We will check them out and if they are worth a shit we'll post them on the site.

Party Rip

Alright, I think we can all agree that this blog needs to be dusted off. It has been so long since the last post I would bet this bit of enlightment will likely go unread, which is a shame. This web site is by a few fellow Cougs who rank in the 99 + percentile when it comes to partying. It covers the art of "party ripping" and for any of you that have seen this gesture live, you would without a doubt agree with me. So check out this website and give the rip a shot. You won't be dissappointed.

Let's Rip

- Lex -

Porsche Carrera GT in Fatal Crash

These two guys died so I can't really make light of it. I will say that it takes a serious set of balls to take your $450,000 super car out and take it balls to the wall on a race track. These guys didn't back down for a second, they put the thing into the wall at over 100 mph.

I wish I was in a place in life where I could not only drop $450,000 on a car but then take it out and drive it without even caring if I wreck it.

Porsche Carrera GT in Fatal Crash

Ebay - 2005 Porsche : Carrera Gt

The Trunk Monkey

I think I might have posted these before but they are just to good. Here are all four for you enjoyment.

"Good Job! Now get back in the trunk!"

Thrown Off Bridge
Want a Donut?
Throwing Eggs
Back in Trunk

Another Quote from KU

"God....If religion got you high and fucked up I wouldn't need to drink anymore."

A Quote from KU

"I mean...I am no Josh Knowles but I must be doing something right."

I know....I know it's a little inside.

You've Got One of Those Four-Hour Erections ...

So you took Cialis on Saturday night for a great night with your lady. Unfortunately that 36 hour life span kicks in at your board meeting Monday morning and the next thing you know you've had an erection for the last four hours. Well things are about to get worse because chances are they are going to have to cut Mr. Happy.

You've Got One of Those Four-Hour Erections ...

Leave it to the Onion

I can't even count...or remember? How many times this has happened to me.

Having-One-Beer Plan Goes Awry

As the wise Trent Walker said almost ten years ago... "You take yourself out of the game, you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream and of course it's going to end up on the friendship tip. "

Date Disastrously Bypasses Physical Intimacy, Goes Straight To Emotional Intimacy

For all the trivia lovers

Here is a great resource for when you get drunk during an intense trivia game and can't quite remember how a particular musician died. The musicians are sorted in several helpful categories such as Inhalation of Vomit, Russian Roulette, and Poor Maintenance.

Dead Musician Directory

Someone explain the logic process here

So these guys hang our flag upside down and burn them on a regular basis...fine. There is one report of a Koran in a toilet and all hell breaks loose? There is rioting in Afghanistan and they are killing each other over of it? Can someone explain that to me? Then the Saudi's come out and say that they are pissed so Condoleezza says "there will be prompt action" if the charges are proved true. When did we become the Saudi's bitch? Did I miss that memo? I mean I know we need their oil but this is ridiculous.

Nine killed as Afghans rage at US

How come I wasn't in on this joke?!

Why didn't the S.O.B ever tell us he was into synthesizers. I would have loved to pretend I was from Sweden and fuck with the synthesizer nerds on the internet. Nice graphics work by the way I had no idea you had that much skill. I can definitely remember seeing you wear that sweater out to the bars before.

Elhardt is a funny guy

R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg

This is about a month and half over due but if somehow you didn't know Mitch Hedberg passed away. This guy was fucking hilarious and was just about to get his mainstream big break. Below are two links to sites that have great Hedberg quotes.

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."

"Y'know I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes

As always the old people want to ruin the fun

I not really that worried about the boys at Cal because I spent four years in the Greek system at a “dry” university and I drank myself retarded. However I do think this is a ridiculous response to a couple of problems. I think these things happen because I can’t imagine any one in the Greek system going into the exciting world of campus administration. I think the guys that spent four years in the dorms are taking their revenge.

Cal bans alcohol at campus fraternities

God, some religious people have to be PISSED.

I bet some of those hardcore Christians had a brain aneurism when they read this. What about all those douche bag groups that are convinced they can succeed where Elaine failed in convincing a man to switch back to the home team.

Is You Is, or Is You Ain't?

The sexual area of a gay man's brain works a lot like that of a woman when exposed to a particular stimulus, researchers say. In an experiment, men and heterosexual women sniffed a chemical from the male hormone testosterone. The homosexual men's brains responded differently from those of heterosexual males, and in a similar way to the women's brains. Confronted by a chemical from testosterone, the male hormone, portions of the brains active in sexual activity were activated in straight women and in gay men, but not in straight men, the researchers found. "It is one more piece of evidence ... that is showing that sexual orientation is not all learned," said Sandra Witelson, a Canadian expert on brain anatomy and sexual orientation.
-- Associated Press

Bringing this thing back

So it has been about two months since any of us have updated this thing. I think at some point we actually had some people who didn’t know us reading. Well we fucked that up.

I have decided to start posting again because I have been traveling lately and I am bored. The town I am currently in was described to me by the gentleman who is from another town about an hour but familiar with the town as:

“You know those jokes about rednecks? Well here they are true. There are a few honkey tonk joints around town but you might want to have a gun, a knife or know karate before you go inside.”

Needless to say that means I won’t be cruising town. So I fell back on my trusty friend Anheuser.

Whole bunch of crap

This is from Bill Simmons latest mailbag. This is just a great burn.

Q: Scoop Jackson says that "Cornbread, Earl and Me" and "The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars" are the greatest sports movies of all time. Where do you rank them?
– Brian Artis, Newport News, Va.

SG: That's like asking me, "Scoop Jackson thinks the world is flat, where do you stand?"

So you think you are your teams biggest fan!?
A friend of mine who has been mentioned here before, you probably know him as KU recently told us this little story. KU was such a big Coug fan back in 8th grade that he lied to his parents about being cut from the basketball team so that he could attend the Apple Cup. Most people wouldn't make that kind of sacrifice for their favorite team in their entire life time...let alone in 8th grade. My hat is off to KU...my hat is off.

A Memorable Quote from Last Weekend
"I usually get five good drinks out of a bottle."
-The Berg

To clarify by bottle he is referring to a fifth of Canadian Mist.

Bracketology
Here in the great northwest the big news this March Madness is that the goddamn Washington Huskies got a #1 seed to the Big Dance. The only thing more ridiculous than that is the fact that two Huskies in the pool I am in have picked the Huskies to win the whole thing. I am sure there will be more Huskies that join the pool and make this same pick. This could be the biggest case of betting with your heart that I have ever seen. But good luck to the guys in the pool...not the Huskies.

From Figure Skater to MIT Physicist - Either Way Still Genius

KU, the same guy who had the quote, "I have great balance, I should be an athlete or a figure skater" blew the shit out of all of our feeble minds with his mathematical proof that is sure to explain the age old question, "what is the meaning of life?" The answer - a surpisingly simple one at that - came to KU moments after he threw out his last $100 chip at the Skagit Casino, putting him at a $978 disadvantage against the local indians for the night. Mind you he was in a wedding that day and was nearly blacked out, still dressed in the rented tux, shiny ass shoes and all.

KU - "Life is pretty much fuc (hiccup) fucking comes down to 2 equations: G= Greed and A, no wait, yeah, A=PW ...... Ambition = Personal Wealth. It's just that simple, G=Greed=Gutter, which is where I am, and A=PW."

Now as you can imagine this therom was cause for reflection....could KU have just figured it all out. I mean, sure, now he is screaming fuck, fuck, fuck, how the fuck could I spend a thousand dollars, and running at a 4.6 40 down the hallway and into the wall, trying to break it or himself, or do something to aleviate the pain that comes hand-in-hand with being obsesive compulsive. But could KU have actually breached the walls of the well-guarded secret? Fuck no, A=PW, that is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. Let's all just give KU the benifit of the doubt though, he probably doesn't remember saying that, after all, he did say that he was so pissed that he wanted to either kill himself or "do a Ted DiBiase" (the million dollar man) to the headboard of his hotel bed. Luckily for us, he DiBiased the hotel bed. Apparently KU didn't learn his lesson after the bachelor party for this wedding where he had to buy a broken closet door at the hotel for $300...........canadian! yeah, no shit, the hotel room itself was only $250 US.

Congratulations to Chris & Jamie

This past weekend most of us here at always cold along with most of our friends made a 90 minute drive north to see our good friend Chris get married. The reception was a great time. I have never seen any groom remove a garter belt like Chris and as usual most of us never made it more than 20 feet from the free booze table. I had the pleasure of having a fat girl knock into a friend's girlfriend causing her to spill red wine all over her dress and my entire left arm. The best part is that said fat girl didn't even acknowledge what she did or apologize. Once we had polished off all the free booze we moved the party local Indian casino a few miles down the road. Not only did one of us manage to drop almost a g unit at the casino they must have had Mike and Danny from NBC's Las Vegas manning the surveillence cameras. They managed to prevent some of the craftier members of the crew from sneaking anheusers from the trunk of the car into the hotel. First team Vegas called a hallway phone next to team anheuser as they were trying to get beer to the room to let them know they were busted. Then they called the front desk while team anheuser B was standing there to tell them that they needed to go outside and tell team anheuser A to quit putting beers in their socks. All in all it was a great little Saturday.

Wal-Mart pulling more wool over everyone's eyes

For the those of you who read this blog on a regular basis you know that none of us are fans of Wal-Mart. Just thought I would post a link to this article that further proves they are destroying America but like to give speeches to pretend they are not.

The Wal-Mart Manifesto

Could this day get any better?

I was informed today that the company I have been temping for since January will be making me a permanent employee come this March 1st. To that I say FUCK YEAH.

To go ahead and spread iceing on that cake I found out today that a man whose blog I read everyday actually posted a comment on my blog. I am not going to repost his comment but you can find it under the post titled "The best feel good story I have read in a long time". Click the February link to the right to find it.

Angry John Sellers

It involves a hot chick in a thong. Just watch it.

Unmodel Behavior
What would you do in the same situation? I know my friends would pour drinks down my gullet at the bar.

Roger Swanson: You drink that drink! Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. What do you think, you're going to sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel?

Roger Dodger

Insight & Advice from Donnie Darko

Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

Donnie: Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.

Donnie Darko

Some woman should have been impressed with how much I drank this weekend

R.I.P: Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)

Here is a link to The Good Doctor's last article on Page 2. I really hope we can get this Shotgun Golf thing going. I have got the clubs now I just need to find someone with the other half of the required equipment.
Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray

A couple of great insights by Chris Busch from his application to the Sports Guy Intern Contest.
3. In "Napoleon Dynamite", when Napoleon's bizarre girl classmate comes to his door selling homemade keychains, and she tells him that she is doing it to raise money for college, and Napoleon's brother is sitting on the couch and mutters under his breath "Your mom goes to college" ... I have no idea where I was going with this. But for the record, this was the best Your Mom joke since the millenium turned.

2. One of my dreams in life is to appear on "Fear Factor". All I want is to get through the day two gross out stunt, and have Joe ask me how it was, so I can reply like so: "That was probably one of the ten grossest things I have ever done. Definitely top 20." For my money, nothing beats watching a girl choke down four pig rectums (recti?), and then tell Joe "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever done!" Really? The most disgusting? In your whole 19 years on this Earth?

I really can't believe this shit. Some Star Wars geek is really going to cream his jeans when he pays the $1800 for this thing. You can laugh but you are going to shit your pants when you see this thing on a golf course.
STAR WARS LANDSPEEDER

God who knew that paper ass gaskets and automatic toilets don't mix?
PooP

Some Random Things I Have Come Across the Last Few Days

SI Swimsuit Issue
Remember when this mattered? Of course, remember when it was your only outlet for hottie soft-soft-core skin? Between the lad mags, cable TV and the Internet, it's just not that big of a deal anymore. Frankly, I've seen better on a pop-up ad in the last hour.
--Dan Shanoff Page 2 on espn.com

I believe that if life gives you lemons you should make lemonade. Then you should find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
--Ron White

All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.
--Brian Flanagan

I have such good balance...I should be an ice skater.
--Underwood

Don't you wish there were odds on this Michael Jackson trial, just so we could wager on things like "6-to-1 that one of the Culkins will be a mystery witness for the prosecution"?
--Bill Simmons

The section below is from an article on Slate titled "Supplemental Insecurity: The revelations buried in Bush's latest supplemental budget request." written by Fred Kaplan

It's there in the section dealing with the $5.7 billion requested for the "Iraq Security Force Fund," which notes that the interim Iraqigovernment, with assistance from coalition nations, has already created a security force of 90 battalions, but then adds:

All but one of these 90 battalions, however, are lightly equipped and armed, and have very limited mobility and sustainment capabilities.

In other words, 89 of Iraq's 90 battalions essentially cannot fight. This section of the document goes on:

These limitations, coupled with a more resilient insurgency than anticipated have led the Prime Minister of Iraq to request forces that can participate in the "hard end" of the counterinsurgency, and to do so quickly.

Can someone just explain to me what the hell we have been doing for the last year and a half? I thought training these guys to fight for themselves was the top priority. This just goes to show we are never going to get out of Iraq.

I have heard of soccer hooligans....

but this is just out of control. I like to do a little gambling and I have made my fair share of stupid bets but this is insanity. Not to mention the guy just went and did it....then walked 200 yards. Sure he is was headed to a bar but thatdoesn't really change anything.

Well, at Least He Won't Be Fathering More Fans...

May we all go this way...

This is just another one of those feel good stories. The sad thing is I can actually see this sort of thing happening to one of our good friends. Someone may need to check Nelson's apartment for funnels...

Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema

A Quote From My Mom

"Well your Dad was 25 when I met him and he was 27 when we got married. So I still have hope for you." -Jill

That really fucks with your Super Bowl Sunday.

To the window! To the wall! TILL THE SWEAT DRIPS OFF MY BALLS!!!!!!

So no Big Kahuna?

Maybe doing things like this during my job interviews are the reason I haven't been able to get a job yet. I thought it was a reasonable request.

Demand that if hired you want a desk plate that reads, "Big Kahuna."

Get Annoyed

Did they make this shit at the f**king mall!?

Germans love David Hasselhoff....and he seems to be hooked on a feeling. What did it take for him to do this? Was he drunk? Did they snatch him off a corner in a black van and force him to do this under fear of bodily harm? It doesn't really matter all that matters is that it is fantastic!

Hooked on a Feeling Music Video

I would not open this at work

Who ever came up with this is genius. A five day vacation for 3 g units where I quote "Porn Week is an exciting, 5 day all-inclusive adult vacation package that takes YOU behind the scenes of big budget porn shoots in exotic locations around the world." Trust me your 3 g units gets you much more then just behind the scenes access but I don't want to give it all away.

Porn Week

The best feel good story I have read in a long time

This is a great story. I read it this morning at about 9 am and it made my whole day. I don't want to ruin it but lets just say it invovles being buried in an avalanche and having 60 beers sitting in the back seat.

The Feel Good Story

An Interesting Movie

A flash movie that suggests that a Boeing 757 did not hit the Pentagon on 9/11. Not matter what you think it makes some interesting points and besides it will kill about four minutes of your work day.

Pentagon Strike

The U.S. never gets the cool commercials

Sure we have a kick ass military but we never get the cool commercials. Here is a playstation ad that invovles a serengeti like setting, golfers and porn stars. Need I say more?

Playstation Ad

R.I.P. Shakers

I received an email today from some friends that contained an article about how my favorite college bar, Shakers, will be closing its doors this May. I wanted to post a link to the article but the esteemed Moscow/Pullman Daily News requires you to register with them just to read articles online. I have been back the last couple of years but Shakers was never quite the same as the days when we were roaming campus. Nevertheless some of the great nights of my college career (even the ones I had to be told about the next day) wouldn't have quite been the same without Shakers.

Some Kick Ass Driving Movies

A couple links today to some kick ass driving short films. The first one is a 1976 film by Claude Lelouch that stars a Ferrari 275 GTB, a guy with huge balls and the city of Paris.

C’etait un rendezvous

The second movie is a BMW film directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Clive Owen with a 2001 M5.

Star

Both movies might take a little time to download but they are both worth it.

S N Double O P

Just an observation on how Snoop has influenced today's youth. I was in line today to buy an Old Fashioned Turkey Sandwich from the deli at my school, when I overheard a law professor and the deli worker, a soon to be college graduate, talking about the deli worker's job prospects after she graduated.

Prof: Well, good luck. I know it is awfully competitive out there these days.

Deli Girl: Yeah I know, it's a Doggy Dog world.

Prof: (baffled look)

Me: laugh to the the girl next to me.

Girl next to me: (nodding in agreement with Deli Girl)

Me: (under my breath) you gotta be fucking kidding me.

One Hell of a Sunday

I am not sure that this Sunday could get much better. I have spent the day in my recliner drinking beers and watching playoff football. I decided to do my taxes today and lets just say that the U.S. government is going to be sending me 1 G unit or 1000 dollars to the layman. I immediately opened iTunes and bought three new CD's. I am not sure if I am done purchasing music yet...it is directly related to the number of beers I have consumed.

KU got on a girl last night who is dating a 26 year old Israeli Jew millionaire Kung Fu master. I think he is going to be sleeping on our couch for the next month or so. No worries though I emailed him the link to all the ninja gear so that he can stock up and protect himself.

To Lexington: You should move to Seattle so we could have spent this fine Sunday blogging and getting our drink on.

NINJA

God I have been looking for a place to get all the things I need to be a Ninja for months now. It looks like I have finally found the place. This place has everything you need along with nice descriptions so you know what you are getting. My LARGE SCALE ASSAULT PLAN is already in the mail.....some shit is gonna go down.

KATANA
Ninjas prefer to kill people with exotic weapons, but every once in awhile they roll with something traditional.

LARGE SCALE ASSAULT PLAN
Ninja's don't petition the UN or make a bunch of picket signs when shit doesn't go their way. They identify the source of the problem, and kill everyone.

Ninja Shit

The Saga of Bloodninja

I have never read anything so weird that made me laugh so hard. These are transcripts of Bloodninja cybersex chats but the other particpating party doesn't quite get what they expect. There is a sample below the link.

The Saga of Bloodninja

Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.

Sometimes this thing just writes itself

Blank TV

This site is awesome. It has all kinds of punk videos that you aren't going to see on MTV. Bands like NOFX, Millencolin, Allister, The Ataris and Strung Out.

Blank TV

This has Berg written all over it

Received this email today from a friend in Hollywood. The only thing missing is the "Dear Nelson" at the beginning.

IMMEDIATE CASTING FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS ONLY!

PARTY ANIMALS!!!!

Did you break the all-time beer bong challenge during Greek Week in college? Did you hook up with more girls/guys in a single weekend than anyone else you know? Have you partied for 3 weeks straight and never slept once?

New show in development needs video submissions telling us why you are the definitive partier of your office, school, town, city, etc.

Selected candidates could possibly be sent party hopping across the globe!!! Tell us who you are and show us why you are the craziest, funniest, most revered partier out there. Send submissions asap to:
C. Johnson
E! Entertainment Television
5750 Wilshire Blvd. 4th Floor Los Angeles, CA 90036

Seriously lets pool our reasons and get The Berg on this show.

(Boner)Rubbed the Wrong Way

For those with restricted vocabularies and more or less zero knowledge of the mating habits of gay men, boner rubbing is a shit-dick-hot phenomenon taking place in gay dance parties worldwide. Whereas straight men and women "grind", gay men rub boners. The differences are subtle, but the trained eye quickly realizes that instead of making a typical grinding motion, the dancers simply rub boners like a fucking sabre fight. I tried a non-contact version of the boner rub out with Karl; we both realized that it is a genius dance move. Despite what you may think, you can actually do some pretty cool shit even though you are attached to your dance partner at the boner. The only problem is that rubbing boners creates a considerable amount of friction, and it is highly likely that if one spent an entire evening boner rubbing, he'd end up with boner chafe. But then again, nothing a little Neosporin couldn't cool. Being as it is that I am only 24, I only have first hand knowledge of boner rubbing in the 21st century, so I cannot say for sure where boner rubbing began. MTV's Real World Philadelphia brought the pop-homoculture fad to the limelight through Karamo, one of the show's gay characters. (And one hell of a boner-rubber I might add). Keep these tips in mind as you read not only this post, but future posts to come as well as I will undoubtedly make reference to boner rubbing in days to come.

The fact that tanned, shirtless, back-tattooed, boy toys were techno dancing on table tops at a stallion's pace tipped me off to the fact that I was in a gay bar. A small cluster of Latino boner rubbers, directly in front of the booth playing host to the pentagenerian pork party, provided the damning evidence that I was smack dab in the middle of a fuckin freakfest. I'm pretty sure I saw Froto Baggins there too. The two biggest guys in the bar were wearing skirts and lipstick. My friends started talking to them and they seemed to be honorable; however, their venerability slipped after the cute one tried to kiss Karl. Perhaps she thought Karl was an easy target after she spotted Karl and me jawdropping over some gravity-defying interracial boner rubbing steps being laid down. The craziest thing about these two dudes - aside from the fact that they were about 6'3" 225 and were wearing makeup and halter tops - is that they went home together with some tiny little guy. My mind is literally incapable of imagining the possibilities and permutations of such an arrangement; but hey, I just thought of a new pump thought (aka orgasm delayer).

I went into the bathroom, which was conveniently set up so that you and your partner can take a piss with the comfort and security of having both of your ass cheeks in constant contact. Another exciting feature was the fact that if you had to piss in the only urinal that doesn't put you into an ass lock with whoever is pissing behind you is in such a position that you have to try and scoot between all these asses, with all the attendant cock-against-ass brushes, to get out of the bathroom. I had to tip my cap to the architect. Also, on my return trip to the men's room, I think I won some sweepstakes where two guys suck eachothers dicks off in the stall while I try and pee. I reckon the regulars woulda killed for such a treat.

The night ended up well, after hours party at a fat pad in Belltown. Anheusers and chicks. Also a big silver work-out ball that turned into a game, loosely summarized as a combination of butt-ball, four-square, and a push-up contest. I'm almost positive that the neighbor lady will be submitting a complaint because the wall on the opposite side of her head board was being worked on like a button fly in a boner rubbing competition until about 4 a.m. People who don't drink and stay up late, or at least tolerate those who do are should take caution, I'm pretty sure that God doesn't let mother fuckers into heaven.
~Hank

F*@K AMAZON.COM

What the f*@k is amazon.com doing? Chad Kultgen writes the best product reviews I have ever read and now they are gone. I bought the Top Gun Special Edition DVD because of Chad. If you are not one of the 3 people that read this blog than you have no idea who Chad is but trust me. Here is a letter he wrote about the situation.

Letter from Chad

You have to watch this

God there are times I wished I lived in another country. This is one of those times. This Budweiser ad is fing hilarious. Seriously turn the volume up because the sound is kind of bad and watch this.

Aussie Budweiser Commercial

A Tribute to our Founding Fathers

Since this blog is supposed to be "a place where the Anheuser is always cold." I figured a post recognizing some of their other accomplishments would be in order. If you visit budwesier.com, I think you will find enough to keep yourself busy for a good couple of hours. One of my favorite features though is a service called "giving lip." Some of you are already aware of this as you've fallen victim to a talking gorilla or frog email from me. But for those of you that haven't experienced this technological gloriousness, please click the following link.

Giving Lip

And to you Mitch. Mitchy, Mitchy, Mitchy. I don't appreciate scowling remarks about not posting anything. If I had nothing better to do with my time than post nonsense about salary clocks or trunk monkeys, well, then I'd be you. And that is a fate I wish on no person.

Enjoy the link and try not to abuse. I may have crossed that line last night.

Anyone for a good Boner Rubbing?

So I went to a little gay bar last night called Neighbors. At first I thought I was back at WSU at a Sig Ep party due to all the dudes with their shirts off but after my roommate Ty got hit on I snapped back to reality. A few key points from the night:

1. Not only did Ty get hit on but two dudes came in to the bathroom and started sucking each other off while he was trying to piss.
2. We ended up in a conversation with two transvestite/drag queens that looked like they were battling for the middle linebacker job at Nebraska.
3. How much boner rubbing can you do before the denim of your jeans rub you raw? I say 90 minutes........max.

All in all it was a hell of a night. I have been complaining for the last two weeks that we needed to do something different and we finally did.

This just ruined my day

I just went to this web site and after spending about 20 seconds there I was so depressed that I walked to the fridge and got a beer. Keep in mind I am sitting on my couch by myself and it is 4 in the afternoon. If you are at work I would not click on this link. If you do click the link at work I am not responsible if you jump out the window or punch your boss in the face.

In the time it took me to make 25 cents Michael Dell made 1,706.45 dollars. Fuck! I am going to get another beer.

Salary Clock

Trunk Monkey

After watching this you are all going to want one but you will have to get in line behind me. I am going to start making daily calls to the Attorney General to find out when these little bastards get approved.

I am going to train mine to throw his own poo at anyone driving a mini van or trying to merge onto a freeway at 35 mph.

Trunk Monkey

Posts for a New Year

Well I had quit updating this thing because I was sick of being the only one who posted anything. There are three other cocksuckers that are listed as contributors on this blog and they don't contribute jack shit. Well I have received a few angry emails from friends who are pissed off that they have nothing new to read. So on that note I am going to get over myself and start posting shit up here again. I have a few things to post today but there is also playoff games to watch and booze to be drank so I don't know how many I will actually get done.

"A CHRISTMAS STORY" HOUSE

I am posting this link up here for Hank because the SOB has been talking about the goddamn TBS 24 hour "A Christmas Story" marathon all week. If only he hadn't spent all that loan money on law school he could have himself one hell of a piece of movie memorabilia. Merry Christmas you bastard.

"A CHRISTMAS STORY" HOUSE

F**K YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

For anyone that doesn't know I have been working for brown(UPS) for the last few weeks. Finally after a few weeks of about 200 stops a day and 400 plus packages I am finally done. It feels like I just got done with finals. So I am now going to do what my friends and I always do when it is time to celebrate....punish the liver. So Happy Holidays everyone and Merry Fucking Christmas.

Oh and you are welcome for all those christmas presents that I delivered.

Three days until people won't have an excuse for playing christmas music

Date My Mom
Well I have already written a post about this fine piece of television programming but the episode I saw the other day was comedy of the highest degree. The bachelor on the show was the funniest guy so far. After not choosing the first daughter whose name meant fire in Celtic the daughter stepped out of the limo and it cut to the guy saying "Now I know why her name means fire. Because she is frickin' hot!!!". After choosing the third daughter she stepped out of the limo and it cut to him saying "I am not mad, I am not mad. My dick is mad but I am not mad." Somebody at MTV needs to get this guy some kind of production deal.

Movie Reviews
Here are some more of the reviews I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

The Hustler (1961)
This a classic pool shark movie starring Paul Newman. I wouldn't say the writers of Poolhall Junkies copied this movie but you can see where they got a few ideas. 4 Star

Badder Santa (2003)
Billy Bob is great in this movie. I never saw the orginal Bad Santa so I couldn't really tell what extra material consituted the unrated version. 4 Star

Van Helsing (2004)
This movie was better than I thought it was going to be. There was actually a story line involved not just 90 minutes of monster killing. 4 Star

Random things from the last few days

One of the best t-shirt slogans I have seen in a while.
The liver is evil and must be punished.

That might be my new messenger name.

Car alarms are a motherf**ker.
After I spent two hours today kicking ass at a job interview I stopped at a Shell station close to home but not in the nicest part of town. I was going in to buy a Diet Pepsi and pay for some gas so I set my car alarm which I had noticed had been talking two or three tries to set/unset lately. Well I came out and tried to deactivate the alarm and nothing. Tried twice...three times...ten times and the thing was still set. After calling a friend to go get my spare remote from home as I was closing in on try sixty the SOB finally worked and I was able to get in the car.

Top Gun Special Edition DVD
I saw a commercial for this last week and the first thing I thought of was another kick ass Amazon review from Chad Kultgen. Nobody loves Top Gun or Bud Ice more than Chad and he doesn't disappoint with this reveiw.

HOLY CRANK!! WHERE'S THE SIXTH STAR 'CAUSE FIVE AIN'T ENOUGH

Movie Reviews
Well I said a few weeks ago I was going to start reviewing the movies I have received from Netflix. Well I wrote about 15 reviews 2 weeks ago but I have failed to post a single one so here is the first batch of three.

SNL: The Best of Christopher Walken (2004)
This is one of the funniest SNL Best of's I have seen. A couple "The Continental" sketches, the funniest Hardball sketch I have seen and of course the classic VH1 Blue Oyster Cult Behind the music. Definitely a 5 star.

"I've got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

Serpico (1973)
Netflix described this movie as one of Pacino's best performances and I would have to agree.
4 Star

Amores Perros (2000)
Although this movie was long coming in at 2h 33m is was still awesome. A movie where you see how the lives of characters in three different story lines affect one another. 5 Star

How many degrees of separation are there between Christopher Walken and Kevin Bacon?

The answer is 2 and if you knew that then I am impressed because I had never heard of Mistress (1992) or Elli Wallach who was the link to Mystic River (2003).

I found this link on the Intern's page of Sports Guy's World. What makes it so kick ass is that you are not limited to just Bacon you can find the links between any actor/actress and any other actor/actress. They even took it one step further and setup a page where you can link any baseball player to another baseball player.

I have wasted enough time writing this post I need to get back to linking celebrities.

Link Kevin Bacon
Link any actor or any actress
Link any baseball player to another baseball player

Giant Cocaine Plants

If the Justice Department had a giant bowl of cereal this is the kind of article that would make it smell like some had just taken a giant shit in said giant bowl of cereal. While Columbian officials have been reporting that smugglers are receiving help from foreign scientists to develop herbicide-resistant coca plant that has 8 times the yield of a normal plant. Meanwhile we have dumped more than 3 billion dollars into crop spraying program that the Columbians are saying has but back the useful coca-growing area by 2/3.

The kicker is that through all this all those wiley drug growing bastards have been doing is spending a little more down at the old farm co-op and dumping extra fertilizer on the ground. By my simple math with 1/3 of the land but 8 times the production you are still coming out with about 2 and 2/3 times the amount of coke.

Fertilizer May Be Root of Big Colombia Coca Plants

Irag Adopts Terror Alert System

The Onion has a great article about the new color coded system that Iraq is implementing so that all citizens will be aware of the threat of a terrorist attack. They report that the current level is yellow-orange which is about two colors above blue described as:

UNSETTLING: Some small weapons fire and scattered roadside bombings; fair chance you will make it to the end of day with all four limbs

Irag Adopts Terror Alert System